We aim to provide motivational and inspirational content that will assist you in all areas of your life. We believe that you can achieve it all.
Imagine the possibilities!
The MEG Staffing family is happy to announce that the incredibly enlightened Motivational Speaker, Life Coach and Author, Zena Contreras, has partnered with the MEG Staffing team.
EACH and EVERYTuesday night, at 6:00 p.m. PST, Zena will bestow her wisdom and inspirational spirit on lucky callers during FREE 30 minute weekly Coaching Sessions. Do not miss your chance to speak one-on-one with Zena Contreras.
The topic for February 2008 is "What I Know..." ~ Feb 12th - God is Real ~ Feb 19th - I Deserve/Require ~ Feb 26th - Visualization Session
Conference calls require a FREE one time registration. Upon successful completion, the call-in number and access code will be sent to you via email. Click here to register.
Belief is just one principle of success. You can't succeed in life without first believing you can. Thing is, 'belief' is not the only factor you need to succeed. There are, according to Napoleon Hill, 17 principles that form the building block of Success. In another book, Rich Dad, Poor Dad, Kiyosaki introduce a formula with belief in it. He call it the 'Be - Do - Have' formula. According to him, Be = Belief, Do = Action and Have = Reward. So yes...you need to believe before you can do before you can have.
Key question: How to cultivate the 'Belief' in you? Answers can be found in the word, 'Autosuggestion.'
Autosuggestion is a technique to 'trick' your mind into believing that what you want is tangible. You see, our mind is split into 2 groups, the sub-conscious and the conscious. For example, those who can't cycle will have to learn how to cycle using the conscious mind. However once you know how to cycle, your sub-conscious mind took over. You no longer pay attention with your movement...it becomes natural. (It's also true with habits)
Same thing happen here. You constantly play a mental picture in your mind the things that you want, over and over and over again and eventually, your sub-conscious mind will believe and make it happen.
If you have doubt about this technique, ask yourself, have you been thinking about the things that you don't want constantly and get it? That's the biggest reason why most people usually don't get what they want. They keep away from things they want and play in the mind about the things they don't want.
But if you can have a very clear mental picture of what you want and keep replaying it on your mind, you will find that the belief in you increase, your confidence increase and opportunities starts to present itself.
I recently stumbled upon the Marianne Williamson quote you see below and find it to be incredibly true. This short paragraph, brimming with wisdom, summarily resolved my own struggles with fear, self doubt and self worth. I am sharing it with my readers in hopes that it frees minds and releases fear that causes untapped potential to stagnate. Enjoy!
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people wont feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. "
Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles," 1992 (commonly misattributed to Nelson Mandela, 1994 inauguration speech)
For more than 50 years, Davis Goss has been a creative consultant with particular expertise in problem solving for a widely diverse client base that has included many of the giants of American business. His latest book, "The Science of LIVING BETTER FOREVER", details his unique scientific problem solving techniques that, unlike any other, are based solely on proven scientific laws and principles.
Any success oriented person with an eye to the future is always alert to exploring those methods and procedures that others have proven to be successful. My professional experiences have shown me that there is only one thing that prevents us from realizing new profits and more positive personal and professional growth experiences is some barrier or obstacle that seems to exist between where we are now and where we would like to be.
People experience resistance to growth because they have been taught that they are the victims of negative situations that have been imposed upon them from some outside situation over which they have no control. This is where the struggle begins. They instinctively feel compelled to confront the situation with sufficient force to beat it into submission. This confrontational approach is the cause of all stress, pressure, anxiety and fear.
It is a self-evident fact that in a universe that functions in perfect balance and harmony, without any help from you and me, there are universal laws and principles that maintain and support their irrevocable continuity and perpetuity. Through my reasoning process, I can accurately conclude that I am an integral element in this system and partake of its perfection and non-confrontational, productive existence. If I am not consciously experiencing this right now, it's my own fault.
The key to resolving any negative, obstructive situation is not buried in some long lost archive. It is found in our own dictionary. It's found in Webster's definition of natural laws and principles which he states very simply as "the creative and controlling forces of the universe". By definition, these natural laws and principles cannot be negative, destructive or be flawed in any way. They are absolute, irrevocable and all-inclusive and are no more subject to debate, challenge, alteration or circumvention than the suggestion that "5" has a rightful place at the end of 2 + 2.
The only action worthy of our attention when confronted with a problem, obstacle or barrier of any kind is to recognize that the harmony or solution is already embodied in some natural law or principle. And if we will keep our thought open and receptive to these laws in operation, and away from the problem's destructive negativism, we will be letting these "creative and controlling forces of the universe" enforce their own nature and we will be a witness to our problem's disappearance.
Think about this. Realize that the only thing that will solve your problems, remove that "glitch" in your world and allow you to break free of any restrictions that may inhibit your business or personal and professional growth, is by allowing natural laws and principles to guide and govern your actions and mind-set. NOT money. NOT technology. NOT academic achievement. NOT personal opinions. NOT intellectual theories or philosophical abstractions. The only thing you can do is to release your own personal feelings and opinions, keep your mental focus on the irreversible operation of "the creative forces of the universe" and allow this mindset to manifest in improved events and circumstances that define your life experiences.
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and "Healing Your Aloneness." She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process.
Failure! What do you feel when you think about failure? Inadequate? Unworthy? Unlovable? It is so sad that you might have learned to link failure to your value as a person.
Most people who are successful in their work and their relationships have experienced many failures along their road to success. Thomas Edison, the inventor of the electric bulb, is often quoted regarding failure:
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
"I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward."
"Many of life's failures are men who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up."
"Show me a thoroughly satisfied man, and I will show you a failure."
If Edison has been afraid of failure, or believed that failure meant he was inadequate, he would never have invented the light bulb!
In order to achieve success in any area of your life, you need to redefine failure. Instead of seeing failure as an indication of your inadequacy or lack of worth, you need to see failure as a stepping-stone to success. Some of the most financially successful people experienced repeated failures.
* Walt Disney was a high school drop out who suffered bankruptcy and repeated financial and business disasters.
* Milton Hershey, chocolate maker and founder of the famous Hershey Foods Corp., found success only after filing for bankruptcy for his first four candy companies.
* Henry Ford filed for bankruptcy for the first car company he started. He didn't succeed until he started his third company, Ford Motor Company.
* After P.T. Barnum, American showman, went bankrupt, he joined forces with circus operator James A. Bailey to found Barnum and Bailey's Greatest Show on Earth.
* Quaker Oats went bankrupt three times, as did Wrigley from Wrigley's Gum. Pepsi-Cola went bankrupt twice. Other famous companies that also went bankrupt are Birds Eye Frozen Foods, Borden's,? and Aunt Jemima.
* Albert Einstein did poorly in elementary school, and he failed his first college entrance exam at Zurich Polytechnic.
* Winston Churchill had a lifetime of defeats and setbacks before becoming prime minister of England at age 62. All of his greatest accomplishments and contributions came when he was a senior citizen.
* Sir Laurence Olivier, one of the greatest actors of the 20th century, tripped over the door sill and fell headfirst into the floodlights the very first time he had ever set foot on the professional stage!
* Woody Allen flunked motion picture production at New York University and the City College of New York and failed English at N.Y.U.
* Astronaut Ed Gibson flunked first and fourth grades.
* Lucille Ball was once dismissed from drama school for being too quiet and shy.
If these successful people had been afraid of failure, they would never have offered the world their talents. They were able to go on to success because they saw failure as a learning opportunity rather than as an indication of their inadequacy.
Are you ready to change your concept of failure? Are you ready to let go of worrying about what failure says about you and just learn from it? Are you ready to free your soul to do what you really want to do?
If the fear of failure is stopping you from doing what you really want to do, I want to encourage you to change your concept of failure. I want to encourage you to let go of your old way of seeing failure and start to envision failures as learning opportunities on the way to success. Just as Thomas Edison did, I encourage you to see every failure as a step forward!
The following list has made its way around cyberspace quite a few times. It is a favorite of the MEG Staffing team and we share it with you in hopes that it will inspire you to live to your potential and bolster your confidence. Tape it to your bathroom mirror, carry it around with you in your pocket, make it one of the last things you read before going to bed at night, re-energize your mind and strenghten your fortitude.
Savor and enjoy!
Did you know...
There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.
At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
You mean the world to someone.
You are special and unique.
Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
When you think the world has turned its back on you take another look.
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and "Healing Your Aloneness." She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process Many people on a personal and spiritual growth path have read about the law of attraction. Simply stated, this law says that like attracts like, which means, in a general sense, that happiness draws happiness and misery draws misery. The law states that whatever we think about, with strong feelings, is what we manifest. If you think about what you don't want - especially with a strong emotion like fear, then you are manifesting what you don't want. What many people do with this is attempt to think happy thoughts and visualize what they do want, only to find that things stay pretty much the same as they always have.
What is the problem here? Is this law not true?
No, the law is absolutely true. The problem is in understanding the "frequency" that is necessary to manifest what you want.
Your frequency is the energy level at which you are vibrating. A low frequency - which comes from operating from fear, anger, hurt, jealousy, judgment, anxiety, depression, and so on - is like a closed door regarding your ability to manifest. In other words, the universe is bringing you want you want, but hits the closed door of your low frequency.
A high frequency, coming from feelings of love, inner peace, and joy, opens the door for the manifestation of your dreams.
The deeper challenge here is in understand intent, because it is your intent that determines your feelings and your frequency.
There are only two possible intents in any given moment:
1. The intent to be loving to yourself and others, and to learn about what is in your highest good. 2. The intent to avoid pain with some form of controlling behavior.
The intent to learn creates a high frequency, while the intent to avoid pain/control creates a low frequency. When you are trying to manifest what you want, the intent you are coming from will determine the outcome. Many people believe that thinking about what they want will give them control over getting what they want. However, their intent to control is lowering their frequency and preventing the manifestation.
When you are trying to manifest what you want in order to be happy, you will generally fail. When you try to have control over getting what you want in order to be happy, you are making something external responsible for your happiness. The truth is that your deep inner joy is determined by your own thoughts and behavior toward yourself, not by what happens externally. Manifestation occurs when your desires are an extension of your joy, rather than making your success in manifestation the cause of your joy. In order to manifest, you need to be stating what you want and visualizing what you want from a place of deep inner peace and joy. You need to already be happy to manifest!
When your basic intention in your life is to be loving to yourself and others and you take full internal responsibility for your own pain and joy, that is when you will be able to manifest your dreams. Instead of spending lots of time in affirmations and visualizations, you will serve yourself better by becoming conscious of your intent to control.
It is unfortunate that many people try to use the law of attraction as just another form of control. Actually, anything can be used as a form of control when that is your intent. The experience of spiritual support occurs when you shift your intent from controlling to loving yourself and others. Since our learned unconscious choice is always to control, this shift in intent needs to be a moment-by-moment conscious choice.
When you practice consciously choosing the intent to learn about loving and take loving action for yourself and others, you will not only feel joyful and peaceful within, you will be able to manifest your dreams!
Leslie Gail is a Certified Life Coach that helps her clients achieve personal and professional success without compromising their values. Leslie appears regularly on KOSI radio show, publishes her articles in The Rocky Mountain News and appears on TV.
So, we all have excuses in life that we fall back on time and time again. Maybe because of difficult upbringings, or hardships, certain beliefs have laid their imprint on you. Excuses keep you from venturing forward, in that they keep you safe from possible heartbreak. Having an excuse excuses you from facing the truth, while keeping you in your comfort zone. Maybe someone uses the excuse that they never have enough time. Sound familiar? Then, they create a lifestyle that feeds into this excuse. They keep extremely busy, they over commit themselves, they take on far too many responsibilities. Then they tell themselves "See, I told you I never have enough time". Well their wish is granted. Others tell themselves that they will always be overweight, it's just in their genes. Because they believe this excuse, they continue to eat unhealthy foods and stray from exercise. Why bother, they tell themselves, if they are always going to be out of shape anyway. This plays into the victim mentality. Not very empowering. What if you didn't have any excuses to fall back on? What if you took responsibility for all of your choices and all of the subsequent consequences? Would this make your life harder in that you would have to venture out there and face some of your fears? Or, would it make you stronger and more confident because you would be taking responsibility for all of your actions? You wouldn't be using excuses as your safety net. In order to move past your excuses, you first have to admit you have them in the first place. This is the difficult part. Once you've admitted that you don't need to be overweight for the rest of your life, then you need to do something about it. Something to think about.
ACTION STEPS FOR THE WEEK:
1. List your top excuses So, what are the top excuses you use? "I'm always going to be single, so why bother" or "I've always struggled with weight, so what's the point" or "With young children, my life is just going to be chaos for a while". Just list the top excuses that you use in your life. Again, you need to acknowledge these first before you can break free from them.
2. Foresee possible outcomes Now you need to list possible outcomes if your excuses were no longer true. "If my excuse regarding________were no longer true, how would my life be different?" Write down 2-3 things that would be different if your excuses were gone. This will help you see the possibilities that exist when the excuses don't overshadow your life.
3. Brainstorm Pick one of your main excuses first, and brainstorm ideas of how you can get rid of it. Let's assume your excuse was that you are going to be overweight for the rest of your life. If this excuse was gone, what could you pursue first? Work with a nutritionist to offer advice and help in regards to eating healthier. Ask some friends to meet you for walks? Set small attainable goals for yourself to keep you on track? Just the mere act of ridding yourself of the excuse will begin to push you in the right direction.
January is often a time when people are reflecting on the past year and setting goals for the new year (or for some, beating themselves up for what they didn't do last year, cringing at what they did do and begrudgingly stating that they're never going to set goals again!). But setting goals is really about making choices. Choosing to continue on the same path or choosing a new direction. It can be specific choices like choosing a new job, choosing to do your job differently, choosing social and recreational activities to take part in and so on. Or it can be less tangible like setting your intention to have more ease in your life, more money, more time for yourself etc. and being open to the opportunities that support this.
I've discovered that in order to do this, I need to acknowledge that where I am right now is a choice - even with the places, people and situations I'm not happy with. When we're not consciously choosing where we are, we can be stuck in resistance or caught in victimhood. A lot of energy gets sapped in either of these two states. Think about it - if you're resisting something you're in effort, and if your feeling like a victim of your circumstances your energy is weighted down in hopelessness. In reality, wherever we are right now and whatever we're doing is a choice. And we can choose again at any time.
Sometimes we want to deny that we have a choice, but then we feel powerless. Even if our options seem limited, there is still a choice - it may be between the lesser of two evils, but acknowledging that you are in the role of choosing feels more empowering. Then your energy is freed up from resisting or complaining and can be used to create new choices in your life.
Here are some insightful questions to ponder:
* What are you choosing in your life right now that you are happy with?
* What are you choosing in your life right now that you are not happy with?
* What choices would you like to make for yourself this year?
* For the choices you are happy with, what must you believe about yourself in order to have created this in your life?
* For the places where you feel stuck in your choices, what are your underlying beliefs about this situation? What are your underlying beliefs about yourself?
Here are some inspiring ideas to try:
* Often our choices in life arise out of our belief systems. You've heard the saying "if you believe you can you will and if you believe you can't you won't". Once you've explored your beliefs (particularly core beliefs about yourself) that are positive and support you in having what you want in life, you can build on this by reminding yourself about these. Try writing them down and then have them ready to read over when your feeling disempowered - it's a great way to pick yourself up again.
* For the beliefs you uncovered that are negative or limiting you in what you want to have or do for yourself, ask yourself where these came from and if they are really true or not. Beliefs are another thing we can choose. Most beliefs have been passed on to us from our families, teachers and society or from early experiences as we were growing up. Many of them are unconscious and run the way we live our lives. Once we become conscious of them, we can re-choose what we want to believe and what we know down deep is true for ourselves.
* Try making a list of what you want to believe and imagine moving into the future with these beliefs. What will your life be like, how will you feel? Reading over this list regularly will help to de-program the limiting beliefs you hold and reset your certainty and confidence for creating what you truly want in your life.
"We are what we thinkAll that we are arises with our thoughtsWith our thoughts we create the world"Buddha
Keith shares his practical approach to transformation as an author, radio host, and "Dream Workshops" facilitator. Keith helps people get love, money and health with his free Prosperity Ezine, free Empowerment Tape and free Coaching.
I cringed at every loaded word in the title of Dale Carnegie's celebrated book, How to Win Friends and Influence People! My mother-God bless her!-made me take the Dale Carnegie Training forty years ago when I was in junior high school. The idea that I had to change myself to "win" friends and "influence" people felt manipulative and distasteful to an idealistic teenager. But once I absorbed the authentic attitude of Carnegie's way of connecting with people, I heartily embraced his approach. He encourages us to "learn to love, respect and enjoy other people." He emphasizes methods for interacting with people without making them feel manipulated.
The essence of the Dale Carnegie can be captured in this revealing statement: "Wouldn't you like to have a magic phrase that would stop argument, eliminate ill feeling, create good will, and make the other person listen attentively? Yes? All right. Here it is. Begin by saying: 'I don't blame you one iota for feeling as you do. If I were you, I should undoubtedly feel just as you do.'"
I only now realize how profoundly my life has been molded by those evenings spent with Carnegie's spirit. I see now that I did assimilate his wisdom on a deep level and have since used his insights every step of my path to success and happiness.
Carnegie's book might be more accurately entitled "The Art of Relating." Awareness of self and awareness of others are his two guiding principles. His sense of "influence" is not about getting our own way. Influence to him is an art. Influence is about seeing a mutually harmoniously way to achieve a desired outcome. The heart of Carnegie's work is about getting excited about others. Carnegie encourages us to see other people as wonderful tapestries adorned with luxurious threads of experiences. At this point techniques cease to be techniques and begin to become a genuine, natural aspect of how we relate to each other.
Dale Carnegie was a pioneer in public speaking and personality development. He was born in 1888 in Missouri and educated at a small state teachers college. As a salesman and aspiring actor, he traveled to New York and began teaching communications classes to adults at the YMCA. In 1912, the world-famous Dale Carnegie Course was born. He wrote his now-renowned book How to Win Friends and Influence People in 1936. His work was an overnight hit and has sold more than 15 million copies. Carnegie had an understanding of human nature that will never be outdated. Carnegie's tome to people skills is every bit as relevant today as it was when he first wrote this gem. Currently, there are over 2,700 professional instructors that offer the Dale Carnegie Training in more than 75 countries in 25 languages.
Dale Carnegie teaches that life achievement is due to "the ability to express ideas, to assume leadership, and to arouse enthusiasm among people." His Carnegie Institute of Technology conducted investigations that found about 15 percent of a person's financial success is due to technical knowledge; 85 percent is due to skill in human engineering-the ability to lead people. He teaches these skills through underlying principles of dealing with people so that they feel important and appreciated.
For example, if you have employees, co-workers or family members who aren't doing their duties responsibly, you have many options available to you. You can scold them or hound them. Those of us who have tried this approach find that it rarely works, especially in the long term. Dale explains what techniques do work reliably in these situations. The book expands your roster of options, so that when you hit life challenges, you have a variety of pragmatic, effective tools to apply.
Carnegie is also a master of communication skills. You feel a human being is talking directly to you. You know that a heartful person wrote this book. He has a crisp, lively style that keeps you involved. He initially engages you in each chapter with practical questions and relevant stories. He'll first explain the issue, and then give real life examples of how handling the issue properly helped a real person in a real world situation. He illustrates his points with anecdotes of historical figures, leaders of the business world, and everyday folks. His suggestions are all straightforward, simple, doable tactics. Once you practice and master them, they can make a powerful difference in how others interact with you.
How to Win Friends and Influence People! covers several essential areas of everyday life such as arousing enthusiasm among your associates, learning to make friends easily, cultivating positive emotions, being tactful, solving problems, and learning to speak effectively. For over 70 years the rock-solid, time-tested advice in this book has carried thousands of now famous people up the ladder of success in their business and personal lives.
The book offers 3 basic techniques for building harmonious personal and professional relationships:
1. "Don't criticize, condemn or complain." Most people don't respond very well to condemnation or complaint. Positive reinforcement works better.
2. "Give honest and sincere appreciation."
3. "Arouse in the other person an eager want."
Carnegie offers 6 winning "ways to make people like you." 1. "Become genuinely interested in other people ... you'll be welcome anywhere!" 2. "Smile. A Simple Way to Make a Good First Impression!" 3. "Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest sound in any language."
4. "Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves."
5. "Talk in terms of the other person's interests."
6. "Make the other person feel important-and do it sincerely."
Carnegie presents 12 effective ways to promote cooperation and "win people to your way of thinking."
1. "The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it."
2. "Show respect for the other person's opinions."
3. "If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically."
4. "Begin in a friendly way."
5. "Get the other person saying 'yes, yes' immediately."
6. "Let the other person do a great deal of the talking."
7. "Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers."
8. "Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view."
9. "Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires."
10. "Appeal to the nobler motives."
11. "Dramatize your ideas."
12. "Throw down a challenge."
The book proposes 9 powerful ways to "Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment."
1. "Begin with praise and honest appreciation."
2. "Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly."
3. "Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person."
4. "Ask questions instead of giving direct orders."
5. "Let the other person save face."
6. "Praise the slightest improvement. Abilities wither under criticism; they blossom under encouragement."
7. "Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to."
8. "Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct."
9. "Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest."
What is the principal message of this book?
Live the Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." How do you do this? Through empathy. Take an interest in other people. Understand their concerns and motives. Give them praise, encouragement and appreciation. Understand that one of the greatest human needs is to feel important and appreciated.
Dale Carnegie's concept of valuing humanity works as many wonders today as it did in his day. How to Win Friends and Influence People! is a book to be contemplated and practiced. It's a book that keeps on giving. It's a book that makes us more compassionate and successful human beings.
By Hale Dwoskin, New York Times Best-Selling author of The Sedona Method, and co-author of the best-selling Happiness Is Free (five-book series) is the CEO and Director of Training of Sedona Training Associates and anxiety expert. He is also one of the 24 featured teachers of the book and movie phenomenon, The Secret.
There is something that great leaders, respected mentors and those people who always seem to be happy have in common, and that’s something called personal responsibility. People who accept responsibility, embrace it even, are inevitably those who are admired, who are independent and who ultimately persevere. These are the people who admit when they’ve made a mistake, apologize when it’s necessary, and, above all else, take the “blame” for how their life is, for good and for bad.
Admittedly, the prospect of taking responsibility can be scary. After all, who wants to be held accountable if things go awry? In reality, though, the very act of NOT taking responsibility will leave you much worse off than the alternative, and here’s why: Only when you take responsibility -- for your health, your mindset, your happiness and your life -- will you be able to achieve your dreams.
You Make Choices, and Your Choices Have Consequences
Consider it from a child’s perspective. A primary thing parents teach their children is to have responsibilities, everything from doing their homework or household chores to treating their classmates with kindness. If something goes wrong, such as forgetting to do a homework assignment or talking behind a friend’s back, there are consequences and (and this is the important part) the child is held accountable.
For every choice you make, there is a consequence. Taking responsibility means that you acknowledge your role in the chain of events, you have a good idea why it happened, and you know what to do to change your actions (or how to keep them as they are) in the future to get your desired outcome.
The “Victim” Mentality
People who frequently shirk responsibility often fall into a “victim” mentality. It is everyone’s fault that they are not happy (not getting a promotion, not succeeding in their marriage, not getting to appointments on time, etc.) -- except for their own. Surely, there will be times when things are not your fault, and you may even be thinking of some of those times right now (such as “But I DID lose the promotion because my boss chose to promote his brother instead … ”). But taking responsibility does not mean you are always at fault, only that you acknowledge your part and let it go (meaning you do not perpetually blame others).
Those who have succumbed to the victim mentality, however, often exhibit the following characteristics:
• You believe you’re unlucky, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
• You think you are pretty much always right (and others would concur that you believe this).
• You rarely, if ever, apologize.
• You often feel sorry for yourself.
• You believe if others are acting poorly, you can too (i.e., “If Bob comes in late every day, why can’t I?”)
What you’ll notice about these characteristics is that they’re surrounded by negativity. And, in fact, people who don’t take responsibility are often harboring this negativity in themselves -- in the form of sadness, hopelessness, anger, depression, anxiety, fear, guilt, insecurity and a host of other negative emotions.
Over time, and even in the short-term, holding on to such negative thoughts can lead to chronic stress and, from there, chronic disease.
Ready to Take Responsibility? Here are the Steps You Need to Take
The great thing about taking responsibility is that it opens the door to anything you want. You get to decide what in your life you want to keep and what should go. How does one get to this point? It’s really quite simple. Begin by letting go of the negative emotions and self-limiting beliefs that are causing you to be stuck in a victim mentality. The Sedona Methodis a scientifically proven toolthat will show you how to do this very naturally and it will become second nature.
The Sedona Method is unique in that it helps you get in touch with your natural ability to let go of any painful or unwanted feeling in the moment. We ALL have this ability, however so many of us are too bogged down by negative emotions to really use it. Once you ask yourself the series of questionsthat make up the Method, you will be able to release the need you once had to blame others and instead will take personal responsibility.
The best part is, once you FEEL you are in charge (instead of a victim), you will ACT like you are in charge, and your life will act accordingly. You will also find that you can easily adopt the following positive traits of people who take responsibility, including:
• Accepting when you’re wrong and apologizing • Asking others for help when you need it • Having empathy for others • Admitting when you’ve made a mistake • Forgiving others easily • Being open-minded to the opinions of others • Believing that your life is meant to be great
And remember, once you let go of self-sabotaging beliefs and behaviors with The Sedona Method, your life will be limitless in the happiness, health and wellbeing it will create for you and those around you.
What makes you smile inside and out, tickles your funny bone, and brings you to bursts of laughter? We all know the benefits of laughter. It gets our energy flowing, massages our internal organs, boosts our immune system and most important, feels wonderful. So what gets in the way of being amused more often? Why don't we see the humour in everything instead of being easily irritated, annoyed, or frustrated?
We don't need something funny to happen to feel amused inside. People who breeze through life, slough off problems with ease, and accept life's ups and downs with a chuckle are living in a state of amusement. Just as the endless blue sky lies behind every cloud, a blanket of lightness lies behind each of our thoughts, perceptions and feelings. All we have to do is tune into it and turn up the volume.
Imagine what your life would be like if you approached each day, each person, each task and each problem from a lighter amused state. Would you enjoy your day more, relate better with others, move through your work easier and find more creative solutions? You bet! And now imagine the ripple effect this would have on your relationships, family, work, and beyond.
To find your amusement, reflect on the following:
* What is your default mood - the state of being you tend to live in on a regular basis? Do you operate from a stance of anger, depression, joy, victim-hood, amusement, peacefulness, fear or what? If you're not sure, ask yourself how your friends and family would generally describe you as this may give you an indication. Is this the default state you want? If not, what would you choose?
* Who or what controls your state or mood? Is it dependant on others around you, circumstance or do you bring forth your own true self no matter what is going on around you?
* What gets in the way of you being amused more often? What would you have to let go of in order to lighten up? What would you have to accept? What would your life be like if you had more amusement?
To increase your amusment, try the following:
* Many people are offended by many things and all this does is put them in a bad mood. You can choose to be amused instead of offended. The next time you are about to judge something or someone (including yourself) ask yourself how you want to feel. Then ask how you can view this person or situation in order to feel this way.
* Practice being in a state of amusement - it is a simple flow of energy that you can control. Imagine turning up a dial for amusement in your body. Let the energy of amusement vibrate through your whole body, inside and out. Imagine all of your cells are laughing with each other. Notice how you feel when you do this.
* Each day when you wake up set your intention to go through the day in a sate of amusement. If you find yourself getting off track into negativity, focus on the feeling of amusement again. If you need to, think of something funny to jump start this flow and let it grow from there. Notice how your life changes when you operate from a place of amusement.
Weary to the bones, feeling the heaviness and despair, the fatigue demands you to sit and breathe awhile. As you sit and withdraw within the burdened mind and heart, you pant for breath, for life to return. A gust of wind stirs and refreshes you momentarily, clearing away the dark thoughts of the day, the months, and the years, and you raise your head and eyes to observe.
"How did I not notice this?" you ask. Two paths open before you. One appears to lead down the same path life has been handing you the past 10 years. It doesn't feel right, it feels like a lie, like all smoke and mirrors. The other road is shrouded in mist, within a dark forest. Even so, off in the distance you see a speck of light, like a promise, of something that appeals to a deeper part of yourself.
You look again, at the foreboding dark forest, the mist, and wonder what lurks in the dark. Its' eeriness sends shivers and goose bumps crawling across your skin and through your bones. What surprises you is that the bones know, they know that this is your road, and one that you've passed many times before.
Finally, tired of the same repetitious path of life, the path that has lulled you into a slumber of pity, self-loathing, even longing, you find a spark within the heart that ignites a tiny spark in the belly, and then the head, and you know the adventure begins: The life you were born to live. All that needs to happen now is to turn towards the ominous and hopeful path of rightness, not familiarity, and to strike out on foot with courage.
For many, the piercing arrow of fear strikes to heart with its' ghost-like quality. The transparent, smoky, frail, and temporal arrow of fear relies on illusion to fool them and their ever-so intelligent mind that can never be wrong. As they turn away from the path of rightness, of their true life that they were born to live, fear returns to the dark woods as a whispery haunting laugh follows the blind back to the illusion of familiarity and security.
You remember this, how many times you glanced and walked on; how many times you stopped and longed; and you even have a vague recollection of having passed it without even noticing. No, the time has come, the pain of familiarity has made you too numb, and you long for life to seize your heart and start beating again with the joy of promise given to you as a child in the arms of the Supreme.
Checking in one more time, you feel the excitement build in the bones as the pilot lights sparked earlier fuel the passion to be alive and ride life. With nary a look back your heel strikes out and into the gloom of the dark forest, and the promise of that light off in the distant future. Inside the forest, you find the familiar surround you again, as the denseness of this familiar place brings memories, mistakes, missed opportunities, and the healing to let go.
This dark forest is love and loves you. The embrace is firm, cold, and yet bold. Welcoming each error of past misjudgment transforms you, empowers you, fuels you, heals you, and the forest urges you on as each barb yields to the beautiful rose. And one day, in the unknown distance of time, you step out fully into the brilliance of your authentic life upon the meadow of gaiety.
Dancing, singing, rejoicing you spin and turn and tumble with joy. After moments or hours, as time is no longer the prison it once was, you stand, exhausted with joy and delight and turn slowly absorbing the beauty that surrounds you. Gazing back along the road less traveled you see the path from the forest to discover the beauty in the tragedies and pain, as majestic Oaks, Maples, Firs, and so many more, tower to the sky with a firm strength that stands the test of time.
Bending to knee, falling forward, embracing the earth, and all your self-worth, you give thanks with tears and sobbing that releases the fullest joy imaginable. And the quiet voice of Love speaks into your heart, clearing your mind once again, and says, "Sweet child. I honor you. It was you who seized upon Courage and found Strength where I reside. It was you, My Delight, and you bring great Joy to My Heart, knowing that you have claimed this Gift of Life fully."
The bones speak again as the flesh is crawled with goose bumps and the rightness of the words sink into the flesh. Rolling over and sitting up, you lean back on your hands for a moment to gaze up into the blue wonder to ponder thanks. "My dear God," you say, "I have fought you, misunderstood you, and even abused you, yet you call me your delight. Thank-you for acknowledging that which is in me as you, and never, ever, giving up on me."
Regaining your feet, you feel the ground firmly beneath you like you've never felt it before. You feel the blood course through your veins with a fury of life that will never lay down again. You feel the gratitude and love of a heart that has swollen in proportion to ALL. And you forge on with a zest and appeal for experiencing joy that leaves your mouth watering, knowing that the path of rightness is your own and that goodness will always reign.
A ghost appears, ever so slightly, to pierce the truth with a nightmare of fear. And just as quickly, you turn one last time and remember what that forest has taught you. For all the mistakes, wrong turns, hurts of life, and damage caused to others, forgiveness and love have never left you, let you down, abandoned you, or held any grudges. It was you, it was fear, it can and has been let go, and firmly planted in the roots of majesty. You will prevail.
By Elizabeth and Barbara Pagano, written for Pink Magazine online
For most of us, discovering the core of who we really are and what we want our lives to be is a more difficult task than getting an orchid to bloom a second time. It's an individual journey, and Bradd Shore, Ph.D., of Emory University suggests beginning by asking yourself:
What gives my life meaning?
What are my priorities?
The Payoffs
The late Betty Friedan's The Feminine Mystique rocked our world in the early 1960s, laying the groundwork for modern feminism. Friedan said women should aspire to their own identities as individuals and should answer the questions, "Who am I?" and "What do I want out of life?" More than 40 years later, the questions are more relevant than ever.
The struggle to express – let alone find – one's authentic self can be a complicated and individual journey. Beyond knowing and accepting thyself, one has to be skilled at expressing that truth, recognizing there might be a price to pay with either choice: the straight path of authenticity or the zigzag trail of situational roles, choosing behaviors that serve the moment.
In his new book, Covering: The Hidden Assault on Our Civil Rights (Random House, January 2006), Yale law professor Kenji Yoshino writes about women practicing what he calls "covering" – downplaying aspects of themselves (i.e., motherhood) they know may be viewed as less than acceptable in the workplace. Civil rights, he says, aren't just about your right to be yourself, but also your right to reveal yourself as you are. He believes that "covering" is the way that many groups are being held back today.
Counsel from Authentic Women
"Don't be so afraid of standing out that you become invisible. I see far too many women being invisible. Yet being distinctive is an absolute career advantage." –Margaret Heffernan, author of The Naked Truth
"Decide whether you're doing something to please yourself or to meet the expectations of your parents, your husband or society. Make decisions based on enduring values and what you want. Otherwise, it's like marrying the wrong guy." –Lynne Seid, former president of global advertising firm Foote Cone & Belding's New York office; founding partner, Visible World
"If your style is validated either through your employees or your business results, then hold your ground. Obviously, there's merit in it." –Kathleen Holmgren, senior vice president and general manager of Sun Microsystems' $1 billion disk storage business
"Organizations are beginning to realize the strength of what women bring to the table, and that they get to the table in a different way. Don't downplay who you are. Instead, leverage your unique qualities." –Debra Boblitt, a vice president with State Farm Insurance
"Success is more attributable to making good choices rather than relying on momentum. If you're in a company where you're not being respected for your talents, go to another company." –Karen Steadman, Ph.D., vice president of a consulting firm
By Hale Dwoskin, author of The Sedona Method and one of the 24 key teachers in the blockbuster book and film, The Secret.
There is a universal intelligence or knowingness in each and every one of us. When you are open to this intelligence of the heart, it guides you in the right direction to do what is best for you and those around you. Following this intuitive knowing attracts to you whatever you need as you need it. You find yourself having, being and doing whatever is right for you in the moment for your highest good.Your heart knows what actions are appropriate for you to take to attract to you what is appropriate for you. Your heart also knows when to give or act without wanting anything in return.Following your heart also feels great. There is an inner sense of peace and completion as well as love and compassion as you allow yourself to follow your heart. This feels so good it is often its own reward.
What if I Have Attempted to Follow My Heart Unsuccessfully?
Even though you have probably heard the advice “follow your heart” before you know it is not always as easy as it sounds.First of all, we have been programmed by society to believe in and trust our minds over our hearts, so we may not even try to follow the intelligence of the heart. In my experience this is a grave mistake. Our mind can only respond after the fact based on memory, while our heart – our intuitive knowing – is always in the now responding appropriately to what is actually going on.Even if we believe in the value of trusting the intuitive knowingness that flows from the heart, we can not always tell the difference between intuition and emotional reaction. They often can start out feeling the same.
The Way to Open Yourself to the Wisdom of the Heart
There is a simple yet powerful way for you to uncover your intuitive knowingness and follow your heart… Letting go! It is very simple. When you believe you are either being mislead by the mind or are not sure that gut sense you are experiencing is actually intuition, simply let go using The Sedona Method. If you let go and it is simply mental confusion or emotional reaction it will simply lessen as you let go and may even fully disappear. If it is a message from your heart – your own knowingness – it will simply get quieter and clearer as you let go. Now you know why Lester Levenson, the inspiration behind The Sedona Method, said “Intuition is only right 100% of the time.” He knew as you now do that if you let go of your reactions and trust the true messages of the heart you can not go wrong.Allow yourself to explore letting go instead of allowing your doubt or reactions to control you the next time you are attempting to know what to do. You will find yourself following your heart and naturally moving in the direction of attracting all that is for your highest good.Please let us know how following your heart is helping you achieve what you desire. Please also share this information with everyone you know
How often do you make plans and hope that God will help? The real truth is that we all wish and hope, but do we really believe we can attain what we wish and hope for? More often than not, as human beings, we run into different situations at different times and our wishes depend on what the reality of the situations is.
How many times are we in financial, emotional, family, health or any other not so good challenges and immediately wish and hope the situation was reversed? Challenges of any kind all call for the concept of taking ACTION.
ACTION in my opinion is doing whatever it takes within reason with the intention of achieving whatever you wish for yourself to alleviate a specific challenge you may be facing. Therefore, if you have an emotional, family, health or financial difficulty, there are a certain number of steps or processes required to get out of that situation. It is how you condition your mind that makes the biggest difference. The following constitute those steps necessary to bring about change.
- Belief - Conviction - Positive mindset - Action
Belief: It is fair to say that when driving a car, you believe that when approaching a stoplight, all you have to do is step on the brake pedal and that will bring the motor vehicle to a halt. That belief is without a doubt because more often than not, it happens exactly as intended each time. You believe without a doubt that reading the owner’s manual of any equipment and using that equipment accordingly will give you the desired effect. Part of the reason why we do this is because we are relying on someone other than ourselves and tend to have more faith in others. Therefore, is it possible then to believe that the actions we take can really get us out of the challenges we face? The answer is a YES in my opinion, because whatever you believe in, can yield the fruits of your intention.
Conviction: Everyone has a certain conviction about what they do and believe in. In the same strand, if you are convinced that your actions will result in a certain outcome, you are already in the process of changing your situation. Considering that in life, there is always going to be a good and bad, love and hate, night and day, beginning and end etc as is defined in the law of Polarity, it only makes sense to maintain a strong conviction that your action will bring you the intended results despite all the odds. Focusing on that which you don’t want alternately doesn’t help your desires because you will only attract more of what you don’t want.
Positive mindset: How many times do we say, “I can’t do this or that,” or that “why am I wasting my time about this…” “…This person or that person tried and failed” etc , etc. We create these situations in our minds and rationalize why things are the way they are without changing. It is amazing why we are surprised thereafter! Do you realize it is easier to be negative than positive in life? If you make a conscious effort to see something positive out of every situation, as time progresses, you will live a life of always attracting the positive things and thoughts.
Action: If you believe, and are convinced or maintain a positive mind set, you still have to begin an action process to complete the journey. Action means that you face the challenge truthfully even if it is embarrassing or difficult, seek the necessary steps through specific actions and before long, you will see results. Therefore, if you have a financial challenge, take steps such as documenting where you are spending money and cut down on your expenses, get a second job to pay down debt, stop eating out etc, etc. When you start doing these things, the combination of believing, conviction and having a positive mindset will generate the right thoughts in your endeavor and as a result attract the right directives which will eventually conquer whatever it is you are trying to change.
If on the other hand, you have an unpleasant job situation, instead of negatively complaining and getting all bitter about everything others are doing, start taking action. Use the ingredients (BCPA) and design an exit strategy for yourself. It could be more education, learning a new skill or talking to someone who has or is where you want to be.
You may not see these results immediately, but I can testify for a fact that being consistent and focused on BCPA will ultimately get you there.
How many people have bothered to ask why so many immigrants to the United States have been able to within 2 – 5 years upon arrival achieve what so many are still struggling to have despite the same or better opportunities? It is not all about luck. It is consciously or unconsciously adapting a BCPA strategy. What about babies growing up? Some decide to walk in 7 or 8 months while others go for up to 14 months. It comes down to believing it can be done. When you watch babies attempting to walk, you can see the determination in their demeanor and know this is something they want to do themselves. Think about the first time your child decided to ride a bicycle without training wheels. The same principle holds true if we need to get out of uncomfortable situations.
Change is a necessary deviation from our comfort level and if you have to become something different from what you are used to, it is necessary to face your fears, believe in yourself like you do your car, then act.
Remember that the Universe is everything and therefore you are protected within that universe because you are part of it. What it really takes is your mind and how you control it. Positive thoughts will attract positive outcomes. In fact, your mind is like a computer, it will pull files that are stored in it. If you have positive files only those will be retrieved when you do a search. Similarly, if you have only negative files (thoughts), the mind has no choice but to pull from that data source.
During much of the year, we focus our attention on what we are not happy with, what we are lacking, things we feel are missing. I am sure that any number of us can effortlessly rattle off a long list of ways that our lives are not what we want them to be. It is very easy to become mired in negativity and lose sight of the many blessings bestowed upon us daily. What is extremely hard to do, but is immeasurably vital to obtaining true peace of mind and happiness, is finding the lessons in the midst of what we perceive as lack and being truly grateful for what we have, no matter how small or insignificant it may seem.
Some time ago, I experienced a paradigm shifting series of events. At the onset of this "lesson" I felt utterly hopeless and full of despair. I spent countless hours crying and ashamed, desperate and humiliated; I had absolutely no idea how I would escape the situation and quite honestly wanted to curl up in a corner somewhere and disappear. Thoughts of facing my friends, family and critics if I did not resolve the situation raced through my mind and it was terrifying. I could mentally hear the accusations and see the disappointment etched on the faces of those dearest to me. How would I face my children? What would my mother say? How would this affect my marriage? How on earth could I reasonably explain what happened without shining a glaring spotlight on the irresponsible and misinformed choices I had made? "You are a failure; you'll never change. They were right about you.", mercilessly looped through my mind like a cruel recording that seemed to take on a life of its own. The negative thoughts and feelings assailed me from all sides and my old habits of avoidance, procrastination, self-pity and blame were eager to fill their long-held posts within my psyche.
The worst part of this entire ordeal was that the crisis I found myself in was totally self-created. The decisions that had given birth to the chain of events leading up to my predicament were overwhelmingly my own. It was a shame, but the road down which I was treading had carried the weight of my steps before. The scenery was all too familiar. I was devastated.
Broken and emotionally exhausted, I turned to God. Humbly, I began to pray in earnest, asking for God to show me the lessons and help me through the storm. I can honestly state that I did not consciously expect anything major to happen, but I felt I had no other option.
From somewhere deep within, a tiny voice emerged. "You can get past this.", it said. Feeling helpless, I brushed the voice aside and continued to despair. "You will grow from this, if you learn the lesson. You do not have to experience this again.", louder this time. In my heart I felt that believing anything other than the worse would be setting myself up for huge disappointment; thus, I continued to ignore the message.
As time marched on and my situation became even more precarious, the voice grew stronger. Each time I told myself that I was powerless to change my fate, the voice pointed out a multitude of options. Every time I rationalized why any action would be taken in vain since it was too late to fix the situation, the voice insisted that action was an absolute necessity. My ears were clogged with self doubt that was firmly rooted in years of low self esteem. My faith, long since diminished, could not believe there was a way out. My pity party was in full swing and familiarly comfortable. Did I not deserve the inevitable outcome of my poor choices? "No!", the voice demanded. I continued to shroud myself in self-pity, inadequacy and distractions, willing the voice to just be quiet and stop trying to give me false hope. The voice was daring me, forcing me to step out of my comfort zone and risk failure for the sake of changing an outcome. The thought of trying and failing was scarier than facing the terrible consequences that would result from inaction. As such, I dug my heels in deeper and filled my head with thousands of reasons why I should resign myself to my fate. The noise of panic set in, nearly drowning out common sense. In spite of this, the voice grew louder and louder still until it reached a soul searing crescendo. Finally, unable to fight it any longer, I sat still and listened. Then, I believed.
I began to take action, strengthened by the onset of absolute faith that grew stronger as each day ticked past. I knew that even if I could not change the outcome, in the end, I would be alright. I gave up the driver's seat to the only One who truly controlled anything, continued to take action and believe that in time, I would come out on top.
Many times my actions resulted in failure, but I kept persevering. After days of trying to change my situation and getting no where, a dear friend of mine called. She said that I had been on her mind for the past couple of days and that each time she thought about me she became very sad. For that reason, she had felt an urgent need to contact me. I thank God that she followed her instincts and reached out to me because it was through her that my answer came. I truly believe that God instructed her to call and provide me with the answer I so desperately needed. At the very last second of the eleventh hour, my situation was resolved. I am eternally grateful to her and to God for bringing her into my life. I am forever changed.
The lesson I took home from this ordeal was that I need to be truly thankful for each and every experience, loved one and possession in my life. I am truly changed and now actively look for the silver lining of every cloud. Life is good.
During this holiday season, I implore you to take some quiet time to think about all that is near and dear to you. I challenge you to feel extreme gratefulness for each day and every accomplishment, no matter how minor it may seem to you at the time. Instead of griping and wallowing in self pity over the situations you feel are keeping you down, take action. Dig in deep, find your inner strength and faith, then take action. Do not continue to expect new results from the same old actions. You are in control of your destiny and you have the most powerful cheerleader in your corner. Go to Him for guidance, humble yourself and pray. Dare to believe. Dare to be grateful. Dare to have faith. Dare to be thankful. Make this year the year that you experience your great breakthrough and begin to live to your full potential.
"Imagine the impossible, then make it happen." - Tamara Aw
"...amidst a sea of company men and women, I flounder in vain attempts to force my triangular mind into a square holed culture." - Tamara Aw
"I believe that we are all made from God's vision and created in Heaven even if sometimes this journey feels like Hell." - Tamara Aw
"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up." - Thomas Alva Edison
"Opportunity is missed by most people because it comes dressed in overalls and looks like work." - Thomas Alva Edison
Stellar Career & Business Coaching Services from CCG & Associates
Classes, Seminars and Events
Each and every Friday night, the REID Temple AME Church presents "Fresh Oil Fridays" with the Rev. Dwayne Johnson, Minister to Men. These meetings provide a unique opportunity for men to share experiences and discuss sensitive and relevant issues affecting them. Dinner is provided to attendees. All denominations are welcomed. To RSVP and/or for more information, call 301-352-0320 ext 613, or email smj612@hotmail.com.
By Tamara Aw
