The Best “You” Ever: Overcome Adversity

By Valerie Greene, author and inspirational speaker who survived a massive stroke at age 31 that paralyzed one side of her body and left her unable to speak. Doctors told her she might never walk or talk again. Today she is a national speaker, empowering others to overcome their obstacles. For more information, call 407-629-2608 or visit www.ValerieGreene.com.

While no one expects adversity or enjoys experiencing it, the fact is that challenges are a normal part of life. From a job loss to a divorce, a health challenge to a natural disaster, adversity comes in many different shapes and sizes. However, it is not the actual situation that causes people turmoil; rather, it is the way we react to the adversity that makes the situation stressful. Consider this: Two people working in the same department with similar education levels and skill sets get laid off from their job on the same day. One moans and groans about how unfair life is, worries how he’ll pay the bills, feels like a failure, and is forced to settle for a new job that pays less. The other believes that “things happen” in business and doesn’t take the job loss personally. He knows he’ll find an even better job that pays more…and he does.

You may wonder how two similar people facing the same adversity can have completely different outcomes. In reality, their outcomes were the same. That is, they both believed a certain outlook on life, and that outlook became their reality. So if you think of an adversity as something negative to be feared, then you’ll create a negative experience. However, if you view an adversity as a time for change and rebirth, then that’s exactly what you’ll enjoy.

Unfortunately, the majority of people fear adversity because they’ve heard messages their entire life of how difficult challenges can be: a job loss might lead to financial ruin, a divorce might leave you lonely and bitter, a negative health diagnosis could make you weak and feeble. Realize that you don’t have to buy into these negative messages. You can decide what you want your outcome to be. How? Use the following tips to guide you:

1. Erase the negative programming: Don’t let anyone else’s experience influence your current situation. If you hear other people’s “war stories” of how awful a job loss is, for example, then you’re likely to think the same thing will happen to you. And if you constantly tell yourself, “I’m not going to get through this,” then you won’t. That’s why you need to stop those negative messages as soon as they start.

Be like a courtroom judge. When the judge hears someone on the stand say something that’s pure conjecture during testimony, she tells the stenographer to “strike that statement from the record,” and then tells the jurors to “disregard what the witness just said.” You need to do the same thing to yourself. When you catch yourself thinking a negative thought, cancel that statement. Give yourself the same power you give everyone else—the power to influence your thoughts and create your outcome.

2. See yourself beyond the adversity, successful and happy: Napoleon Hill said, “Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.” His words are so true. When you’re in the midst of an adversity, envision where you want to be, even if your vision seems unrealistic. See yourself beyond the challenge. When most people are in the middle of an adversity, they only see themselves as they are during that set point in time—in the middle of their challenge. That is, they see themselves as unemployed, as sick, as divorced, etc. But you need to look beyond that to what you want to achieve.

Realize that whatever situation you’re in is temporary and it will pass, no matter how bad it may seem. When you envision what’s possible, you quickly discover that adversity actually propels you to move to the next level. It’s a catalyst for change that allows you to re-invent yourself or your life circumstances. Adversity prepares you for something better.

3. Surround yourself with visuals of your dreams: In order to keep your mindset positive so you can envision your desired outcome, cut out pictures and phrases of what you want or of how you want your life to be. Post those pictures and phrases in a prominent place so you can see them every day. Despite the usual advice of “get over it and move on,” overcoming adversity involves making the situation pass. The old saying of “This too shall pass” should really read: “This too shall pass…if you let it.” You let situations pass by being proactive during them and working towards a goal you can actually see.

The pictures you post can be of anything meaningful to you. For example, if you’ve been told you’ll never walk again, you may post pictures of people running marathons or of the dream car you want to own and drive. If you lost your job, you may use images of successful working people to guide you. If you just got divorced, photos of happily married couples could prompt you to finally find Mr. or Ms. Right. Decide what images you find motivational and inspirational and use them to see you through any trying times.

4. Decide to change your outcome from ordinary to extraordinary: Why be average or mediocre when you can be spectacular? Most people don’t know what is really possible. They don’t realize that they have the power to change their life. So when a doctor gives a bad prognosis, or when an employer enforces a salary cap, they accept the circumstance as “just the way it is.” In reality, you can always do better.

Go beyond what the normal or average is. If you don’t like the situation you’re in or the prognosis you’ve been given, don’t buy into the belief that you can’t change it. We all have the power to overcome adversity and find ourselves in the middle of something extraordinary. We simply must decide to believe we can.

Your Future Awaits: Adversity is part of life. The key is not to get hung up in it. No matter what life challenge you’re currently facing, realize that you possess the power to overcome it. Granted, sometimes it takes what seems like a long time to discover that power and implement it, but once you do, anything is possible. So go ahead …push through the fear, spark the flame of greatness that’s deep inside yourself, and never allow anything or anyone to extinguish your fire within.

How To Eliminate Stress by Eliminating Responsibilities: Use a Time Management Chart

By Sheri McConnell, President of the National Association of Women Writers (http://www.NAWW.org). She helps women writers and entrepreneurs discover, create, and profit from their intellectual knowledge! Free reports for writers available with subscription to NAWW Weekly. Sheri lives in San Antonio, Texas with her husband Seth and their four children. Contact her at naww@onebox.com or her toll free number at 866-821-5829.

Know When It Is Time To Eliminate Responsibilities

Feeling stressed lately? Too many to-do’s on your to-do list? If you are doing too much for too many people, you must eliminate some of the stress in your life. Start by eliminating the responsibilities that do not directly contribute to the top three goals in your life. Many areas of your life will improve immediately. Lightening your load will benefit you by improving the quality of your health and your relationships. Reevaluate your responsibilities using a time management chart at least twice a year.

Start By Writing Down Your Goals

Before you can begin to eliminate responsibilities, you need to decide what your top three goals are. They do not need to be in order of importance. Mine are: 1) Nurture myself, 2) Spend quality time with my family, and 3) Grow my businesses.

Create Your Time Management Chart

Your chart will consist of three columns: a list of all your current responsibilities, the approximate number of hours each responsibility takes during a given month (estimate), and which of the three goals the responsibility is helping you to accomplish (if any!). You will find that many of your current responsibilities are not helping you to accomplish one of the three goals. These are the easiest to eliminate or to delegate. Learning how to delegate is important because it allows you additional time you need to focus on your three goals. You can delegate a lot: my youngest daughter folds the dish- and face-cloths in our house while her two older sisters handle the rest of the laundry. Here is a partial example of my time management chart. (Note: You can create a table with the correct number of rows and three columns in Microsoft Word under the “table” drop-down menu. Mine appears in a listing format below.)

• Column One –> Responsibility
  • PTA Board
  • Running my local women’s group
  • Taking my children to and from soccer practices and games
  • Spend 1 hour each day exercising
  • Spend 6 to 8 hours, Monday thru Friday, working my businesses
  • Cleaning the house/laundry and grocery shopping.
• Column Two –> Number of Hours per Month (Respectively)
  
  • 5
  • 5 - 10
  • 20
  • 30
  • 128 - 160
  • 20 - 30
• Column Three –> Goal That I Am Accomplishing, If Any (Respectively)
  
  • Not helping me accomplish one of my 3 goals
  • Not helping me accomplish one of my 3 goals
  • Not helping me accomplish one of my 3 goals
  • #1 Nurture myself
  • #3 Grow my businesses
  • Not helping me accomplish one of my three goals.

The Elimination Process

After reviewing my complete chart, I decided to step down from my local women’s group responsibilities and from my children’s PTA Board. I decided to delegate more household responsibilities. Completing this chart every six months allows you to assign tasks based on the new skill levels of the family. Children develop quickly and can take on more chores as they grow. Doing everything for your children doesn’t help them–if anything it hinders them in adulthood. Delegating household chores to them is a win-win for everyone. I also sat down with the other adult in my life (my husband) and convinced him to take on more responsibility. Not an easy task! I know my chart (the complete version) made it much easier for him to see where he could easily pitch in. He chose grocery shopping and driving the children to and from their events. Create your own time management chart and “take back” at least 10-15 hours of your life each month. You will be less stressed and happier. I know I was!

Employers Step Up Domestic Violence Help

By Ellen Simon, AP Business Writer

NEW YORK - Gloria Holmes-Mason tried to get away from her abusive husband again and again.

She was in the process of divorcing him, but he was still abusing her when she finally got the help she credits with saving her life — at work.

"You don't wake up wanting to get hit," she said. "No one wants that."

Employers are stepping up their efforts to help workers in abusive relationships, doing everything from threat assessments to relocating those in danger.

At Verizon Wireless, a mother worried about her daughter's safety sent an email to executives; the company moved her to another part of the country, said spokeswoman Debra Lewis. Jerry Rossi, senior executive vice president, group president at TJX Cos., said the company has not only moved employees who were in danger, it's worked with state and federal authorities to give them new identities.

Some employers have started programs as part of a company effort, while others launched or intensified intervention efforts after a worker was murdered.

Harman International, an audio and electronics company based in Washington, D.C., started its program in 2001 after 24-year employee Teresa Duran was fatally run over by her ex-husband in the parking lot of her apartment building.

"It was brutal," said Lynn Harman, corporate counsel at the company, who has done legal work with abused women.

With help from the Family Violence Prevention Fund in San Francisco, a nonprofit group, the company developed a policy to help employees in violent relationships and rolled out companywide mandatory training. It emphasizes recognizing when employees are in danger and referring them to an expert who can help.

Lynn Harman, who is the daughter of Sidney Harman, the company's executive chairman and former CEO, says she's been thrilled with the results.

One worker talked to a domestic violence counselor and decided to leave the state for her safety. Another realized her sister, who avoided socializing with the family, was likely being abused. With help, she got out of the relationship.

"I cannot for the life of me understand why every corporation in America doesn't do this," Harman said. "It's inexpensive. It's simple. The sense of well-being employees have knowing their companies care enough to do this is not something you can buy. After every training, we get thank-you notes from employees."

Setting up the program cost $125,000. "Peanuts," she said.

Douglas Leach, coordinator for employer outreach programs at Blue Shield of California Foundation, an independent grant-making agency funded by Blue Shield of California, leads training sessions across the state and emphasizes how abuse can lead to poor work performance. Blue Shield of California reassessed its policies after one of its call center workers was murdered by her husband in 1996.

Leach gives a composite example: The abuse victim has set the alarm for 6:30 a.m., but the abuser has set the clock back, ripped the work clothes, thrown out the packed lunch, siphoned gas from the car, hidden the car keys and put them back after the victim had looked for them for twenty minutes.

Then the victim gets to work and is asked why he or she is late.

Many victims of domestic violence feel economically trapped and are so isolated, work is their only social outlet.

Employers need to know "if they can help victims keep their jobs, they might be saving a life right there," said Leach.

It can also protect the company. Victims have won claims and received damage awards when employers haven't responded appropriately, said Robin Runge, a Washington-D.C. based attorney who has represented victims.

Eleven states allow companies to get protective orders, Runge said.

Twenty-eight states have laws that extend unemployment insurance protection to people who leave their jobs because of domestic violence and eight states have laws that grant leaves to workers who must miss work for reasons relating to abuse. For a summary of state law, see http://legalmomentum.org/legalmomentum/files/employmentrightsguideaugust2007.pdf.

Formal training has led to a skyrocketing increase in the number of calls to Liz Claiborne's domestic violence task force, said Jane Randel, vice president of corporate communications. The company had no calls on the issue in 2002, but since starting formal training in 2003, it's dealt with more than 100 cases.

In one case, corporate security put a worker in a hotel room for a night when she had nowhere else to go. In another, when a retail worker didn't show up for work, her supervisor alerted the company's violence response team. Working with the authorities, they found she was being held hostage by her abuser. The woman credits the company with saving her life, Randel said.

For Holmes-Mason, whose struggle to leave her husband included living in her car and times when she kept the house cold and dark to numb herself, the abuse hurt her job performance. Her husband would harass her at her job in lab processing and technology at Advocate Good Samaritan Hospital in Downers Grove, Ill. She started coming to work late, calling in sick a lot.

"My boss said, 'I don't want to write you up, you've been a good worker,'" Holmes-Mason said. "I didn't want to talk about it. She started seeing some of the bruises on me."

Her boss encouraged her to go to a training session on domestic violence at the hospital. She met clinical nurse specialist Sarah Katula, whom she credits with saving her life.

"She didn't make me feel bad for what I was going through," Holmes-Mason said. "She said, 'If you feel the need to go back, you can go back, but I'm always there for you.' I never went back."

That was four years ago.

Katula also connected Holmes-Mason with a local shelter and helped her with practical matters, like writing an outline of what she needed to say in court.

"You can get out," Holmes-Mason said. "My life is so much better. I finally get the normal problems I always wanted, like how to pay the bills."

************************************

Gloria Holmes-Mason, a victim of spousal abuse, is pictured with her arms around Sarah Katula, who helped Gloria escape her abuser.

The Impact of Dressing Too Sexy at Work

By: Tamara Aw, Founder & Director of MEG Staffing

Over the years, I have worked at various places of employment where many of my female counterparts regularly dressed as if they were ready for a night on the town versus a day at the office. While sexy attire is great for shaking it on the dance floor, it is not appropriate in a place of business.

Many females mistakenly believe that the attention they get from dressing sexy on the job will translate into promotions and increased career opportunities. More often than not, the exact opposite occurs and dressing too sexy at work drastically hinders career advancement.

I admit that I once adhered to the "if you've got it, flaunt it" mantra when it came to work attire. During that time, I routinely found myself stuck in low paying jobs that I hated. The career opportunities presented to me were rarely challenging and I would quickly become frustrated and bored. I knew I was smart and capable of much more and could not understand why others did not see it.

It was while working in the Event Services department of the largest convention hotel in DC that I had my "Aha!" moment. During the early part of my tenure there, tight pants, low cut tops, short skirts and sexy pumps were on regular rotation in my office wardrobe. I reveled in the reactions I would receive from my male coworkers, including those in upper management. They would buy me lunches, birthday cards and presents, Christmas gifts and other trinkets. I loved the admiration and special treatment I received. What I did not love was the fact that I was passed over for one opportunity after the other even when I was clearly qualified for the positions. A manager actually laughed dismissively when I mentioned applying for a higher position within the company. I realized that while I received plenty of attention, it was not the kind I needed nor truly desired. It was clear that I was not being taken seriously.

I began comparing myself to the women in the company who commanded respect and achieved career success. The differences between me and them were so glaring that I was shocked I had not noticed earlier. These women were sharp. They oozed classiness. They dressed professionally, spoke professionally, carried themselves professionally, they were what I wanted to become. These were the women I had wrongly assumed were "jealous" of me because of all the attention I garnered. I shamefully realized that they were not jealous, they simply did not believe I was on their level and preferred not to interact with me. It took a lot of soul searching and looking in the mirror, but I realized that if I wanted to change the perception people had of me, I would have to present a more professional and classy image.

Almost immediately after altering my attire and beginning to "dress for success", I noticed a shift in the way I was treated. The responses from my managers and coworkers, both male and female, were instantaneous. Several managers pulled me aside to tell me how much my quality of work had improved. I swear to you that I did not change my working habits at all, but since my outward appearance was more professional, they perceived my work as more professional as well. In meetings, colleagues and managers would literally turn to me and ask my opinion on various matters. I was totally floored...this had never happened before. It was as if everyone suddenly discovered I had a brain.

As the treatment I received continued to improve, a funny thing happened. I began behaving in a more professional manner and expecting more of myself for my life and career. Shortly thereafter I received a raise and a promotion to the Executive Office reporting to the General Manager. I ended up leaving that company several months later in order to begin a new career with a firm that paid me an unbelievable 40% more in salary per year.

A very wise and successful woman, who just happens to be my mother, had this to say when I brought up the topic of how one should dress for work, "you should always dress for the job you want, not the one you have." My story illustrates the truth of her words. I am convinced that had I continued to dress too sexy for work, I would have remained stuck toiling away in low paying dead end jobs.

Read the article below to see what Kate Lorenz, Editor of CareerBuilder.com has to say on the subject.

--------------------------------------------

Are You Too Sexy For Your Job?

Warning: Too much cleavage can be hazardous to your career.... and there's science to prove it. Dressing sexy can have negative affects at work especially the higher you climb on the ladder, according to a recent University of Lawrence study led by professor Peter Glick. The study found that risqué dress on the job is viewed as inappropriate for those in all positions. Managers who dressed provocatively, however, were perceived less intelligent and less competent, while those in lower level positions (like receptionists) were not. The study also suggests that women who wear racy clothing are perceived as using their sexuality to advance professionally. "Although various media directed toward women... encourage women to emphasize their sex appeal, our results suggest that women in high-status occupations may have to resist this siren call to obtain the respect of their co-workers," Glick concludes. So what can happen if you dress provocatively at work? This past year we saw two high-profile cases involving women who were deemed too sexy for their jobs. Harvard librarian Desiree Goodwin, who holds two advanced degrees from Cornell University, charged that she was passed over for promotion 16 times because of her attire and physical attractiveness. Goodwin claimed the jobs she sought were given to women with less experience and education and that a supervisor told her she was perceived as a "pretty girl" who wore "sexy outfits." Meanwhile, on the shores of the Adriatic Sea, Caterina Bonci, a Roman Catholic religion teacher, said she was fired from her job at a state-run school for being too sexy. (The school principal said both parents and teachers complained about her high hemlines and ample décolletage.) "In the 14 years I had this job, I have always been attacked by my female colleagues and the rest of the staff because of my attractiveness," Bonci told the Italian media. "And if you consider that at our parent-teacher meetings it was always the fathers who came to see me, one can see why I have so often been at the center of attention and a target of gossip." Bonci failed to win her job back; Goodwin not only lost her civil case, but also received a bill for Harvard's legal costs. Fair or not, courts around the country are upholding employers' rights to ban "sexy" dressing in the workplace. Just how do the courts define "sexy?" According to Eric Matusewitch, deputy director of the New York City Equal Employment Practices Commission, the courts consider "sexy" attire to be clothing that is particularly revealing and of extreme fit, as well as excessive use of makeup. To those who argue that this discriminates against women, Matusewitch replies, "The code applies equally to both sexes. So, if employers require men to dress conservatively, they can require women to avoid tight, flashy and revealing outfits as well." With the current "skin is in" fashions and the media full of images that suggest provocative dress is acceptable -- even desirable -- in the workplace, how can you make sure you don't cross the line? Here are some guidelines: Skirts: Too little is too much. Skirt lengths should be no more than one hand-width above the knee. Tops: Make sure there is at least one-inch of room between body and fabric and that it is long enough to conceal your midriff. Stomach, breasts, back and shoulders should be covered. Fabric should not be overly sheer and a bra should be worn (with no straps revealed). Dresses: No halter tops or cleavage-baring necklines. Avoid overly snug fits. Again, hemlines should hit no more than one hand-width above the knee. Pants: Shun overly tight or hip-hugger pants that expose the midriff. Stick with neutral colors. Shoes: Heels should be no higher than two inches; toe should be closed. Avoid strappy styles, bright colors and patterns. Hair: Keep your hair sleek and off your face. Avoid the teased, over-processed look. Makeup: Keep it clean and natural. Avoid heavy eyeliner or evening lipsticks. "If you flaunt your figure in a professional setting, colleagues and clients may question your judgment or make unflattering assumptions about your character," warns Susan Roane, lecturer, author and business etiquette expert. "Clothing and appearance are visual shorthand. The point is to be noticed for your business skills, not your short skirts or push-up bra. "If you want a job, dress the part. If you want to show off your body... well, that's what your free time is for." Kate Lorenz is the article and advice editor for CareerBuilder.com. She researches and writes about job search strategy, career management, hiring trends and workplace issues.

Designing a Future Marked by High Self-Esteem

by: Dr. Joe Rubino
http://www.getmotivation.com

Studies show that more than 85% of the world’s population suffers from some degree of diminished self-worth. For most people who lack a positive self-image, the future looks like a mere extension of their troubled past. Their expectation of what is to be is consistent with what has been — with a slight and predictable level of improvement. Because of their lacking self-esteem, most are resigned to a life that lacks the excitement and passion that characterizes the lives of those who feel worthy of tapping into the best things life has to offer. People who possess a positive self-image typically have an optimistic expectation of what is ahead of them and as a result, they realize this expectation as a self-fulfilling prophesy.

In contrast to the state of resignation that typifies those with diminished self-esteem, consider the possibility that the future lives as the realization of a promise — a promise you make to yourself and to the world. The future will result from your expectations and the quality of your future will be impacted by the commitment you have for it. It lives as a possibility. In other words, you get to invent it. In fact, you are the sole designer and architect of what is to be and the result will be entirely consistent with your expectation and your self-image.

In other words, our future will be directly related to what we expect for it to be. If we doubt our self-worth and expect our future lives to be worse than our current situation, we will sabotage ourselves into making it turn out in alignment with this self-fulfilling prophesy. If we limit our expectations and plan on more of the same results we have experienced to date, our apathy will generate a future consistent with this expectation. To the contrary, if we believe in ourselves and our expectation is that our future will be better than our present situation, self-motivation will lead to actions that will bring about the positive outcome we envision.

If we feel good about ourselves and expect to live happy, fulfilled, and successful lives, we will take the actions consistent with realizing that expectation. We will therefore generate the opportunities that will result in rich relationships, abundance, and joy being attracted to our lives – because we believe we deserve it and act on this belief.

We get what we expect and attract prosperity or lack, joy or sorrow, rewarding relationships or angry, frustrating ones all as a result of whether or not we feel worthy. Just as we can doubt our abilities to succeed and our worthiness of attracting rewarding friends and intimate relationships, we can also instead choose to take full responsibility for expecting all aspects of our lives to be the way we want them to turn out. When we come from this positive mindset and commit to manifesting our dream lives, we put forth an energy that attracts all the things we desire to us.

Realize that you have consciously or unconsciously attracted everything that shows up in your life to you. If where you are in life, the relationships you have attracted to you, your physical, financial, emotional and spiritual states are not what you desire, decide now to alter your course. Decide that you deserve better. Get in touch with the erroneous decisions you made at an early age that impacted your self-esteem. Reframe how you see yourself and resolve to act from a declaration of who you are (just because you say so) instead of the unlovable, somehow defective or unworthy image you made up or bought into long ago.

Change your expectations. Design a life plan consistent with your new expectations. Make requests of those who can support your efforts in some way. The future exists for each of us as a possibility. When we do the necessary work to complete our troubled past and put the self-interpretations that do not support us behind, we can courageously decide to design our future lives deliberately to be in alignment with joy, abundance, fun, fulfillment, and self-love. When we train ourselves to first expect positive results and then to act in accordance with what we expect, we set the stage for a bright and promising tomorrow. We have the personal power to create our future on purpose. The future can unfold out of our declaration of how we see ourselves and what we expect it to be like. To the extent that we take responsibility to expect great things in our lives, ensure we give off positive, attractive, loving energy and then get into action to bring about our expectations, we will be the force behind the realization of a rewarding happy future characterized by soaring self-esteem.

So, my challenge for you today is to write out a clear and specific vision of exactly what your life will be like in every area including your relationships, health, wealth and finances, occupation, recreation and social life, and personal and spiritual development. Commit to resolving any past issues that continue to erode how you feel about yourself. I wrote “The Self-Esteem Book” and the accompanying “The Self-Esteem Workbook” to support you to learn the tools that will allow you to reinvent your life and how you see yourself. When you realize that you have the power to transform your world and enhance the quality of experiences you attract to you, you will begin to act upon opportunities for manifesting joy, fulfillment, abundance, success, and meaningful relationships. There are no accidents. You are reading this article now because you have attracted the opportunity to take a significant step forward. Seize the chance and begin to look for the countless opportunities to impact your life all around you on a daily basis. Transformation begins with the intention to look for opportunities that can make a difference in your life and then taking bold, focused action in the direction of your vision. All that it takes is courage to begin the process of restoring your personal magnificence and a commitment to consistent awareness and effective actions.

Dr. Joe Rubino is an acclaimed personal-development trainer, self-esteem expert, transformational success-coach and author of 11 best-selling books and audios available in 19 languages. He is the CEO of www.CenterForPersonalReinvention.com, a life-impacting personal excellence and leadership-development company and the author of the transformational www.SelfEsteemSystem.com.

When an Employer Just Is Not That Into You

by Liz Ryan
provided by BusinessWeek.com

No one ever said a white-collar job search was easy. There's nothing relaxing or carefree about tracking down corporate recruiters, following up on interviews, and playing phone tag for days with overstressed HR people and hiring managers. Job hunting is grueling, mentally and emotionally.

But if you think about job searching the same way you would planting seeds, you'll have a different perspective. Every gardener knows that many of the seeds he plants will get eaten by birds. Others will shrivel and die. But gardeners don't waste time tracking the progress of every seed or nurturing those that just won't thrive. They water the garden and see what grows. It's the same with a job search; not everything we do will bear fruit. The tough part is knowing when to give up on the seed that isn't going anywhere.

Employers don't like to send "No, Thank You" letters. They'll wait until the last minute, until the selected candidate (not you) has started work, or even later, before telling the rest of the pack, "We hired someone else." It's a shabby way to treat people and one of my least favorite corporate practices.

So you have to be alert earlier in the process for signs that you're not a front-runner for the job. It's easy to get stuck in the rut of continual and pointless follow-up, no matter how lackluster (or absent) the company's response. Here are some signs that they're just not that into you, and you'd be better served pursuing other opportunities:

1. Silence After Initial Contact

Let's say you get a voice mail from a company recruiter, and you in turn leave three voice mails without a response. That typically means the company recruiter made a bunch of phone calls to track down likely candidates and didn't reach you, but did reach four or five other people. Of those four or five, let's say three of the folks were great fits for the job.

What's her incentive to follow up with you? Very little, if any. If a series of callbacks elicits no response, leave one more message saying, "It seems that you're going in another direction with your search. Best of luck to you, and I'll assume that you're not interested in me at this point." Then, don't call back anymore. If they want you, they can find you.

2. Difficulty Scheduling a Phone Screen

Recruiters are as time-pressed as anyone else. When they have something they need to get done, they want to do it now. When someone calls you hoping to conduct a phone screen with you, they pray you're at home and ready to chat with them at that moment. If you're busy or unprepared, it's fine to schedule a phone screen for later in the week. But if they say, "I'll call you back to schedule your phone interview," that's a bad sign. There's a high probability they won't. And if you find that you're wasting calls and e-mail messages getting that phone screen scheduled, they're talking to other people they're more excited about. Let them go.

3. Last-Minute Interview Changes

Perhaps you're scheduled to come in and meet Joe, Javier, and Sandra. The day before the interview, there's a change: Joe and Sandra aren't available, so you're going to meet Cindy and Mohamed. When you get to the company, another change -- you're going to see Janice, or is it Janelle? -- the temp who's working in marketing. Lots of interview changes are a bad sign. Every company pays attention to its urgent items and lets others slide. If your interview feels like an afterthought, it's probably because after they scheduled you to come in they found the world's perfect candidate (not you) for the job.

4. Delay in Post-Interview Contact

Every corporate manager and HR person is overbooked, so we'll give them a week to collect their thoughts. The second week is when they should be scheduling people for second interviews, if it hasn't happened earlier. By the third week, you have to conclude that one of two things is true: Either your interview didn't make anyone's heart beat faster, or they're so disorganized (and discourteous) that you really don't want to work there anyway.

If you've sent a polite post-interview thank-you letter and left a follow-up voice mail or two, but find yourself sitting in RadioSilenceLand three weeks later, it's time to move on. You could get bumped at any point in the process: after your phone screen, after your HR interview, or after you meet the hiring manager. Rather than exhaust yourself following up on a dead seed, acknowledge the brush-off and move on.

5. Too Many Changes in the Process

You phone-interviewed for a sales engineer position, working under Stan. When they brought you in for a face-to-face interview. it had morphed into a product engineer position in Stella's group. Now they want you in again, to meet with Jared for an applications engineer position.

At this point, stop the action and request a live phone call with the person you feel most comfortable with in these conversations. Ask him or her, "What's going on?" With luck, you'll get a straight answer: A big reorganization is under way, or they love you and they're trying to find a spot that is actually budgeted to be filled this month. Don't stay in the process if you can't get anyone to level with you. Companies who play bait-and-switch are very often employers who value their employees' needs little, if at all.

6. Slow Follow-Up After Second Interview

By the time you've made two trips to an employer's facility, you're well invested in the process. If they are too, they should tell you. You should hear from a company within three or four business days following a second interview, and recruiters should be brimming with enthusiasm in their follow-up phone calls or e-mails.

If that's not the case, give them a heads-up that you've got other fish to fry; give them another day to fill you in on where you stand in their process, and then walk away. Just leave a voice mail saying, "I'm under the impression that you didn't find a good match between my background and the position we discussed; if I'm wrong about that, please let me know today. Otherwise, I'll close the file."

7. Delay in Extending the Offer

With corporate rigmarole being what it is, it's hard to get an offer letter approved these days. There may be a few days' delay between the call that says, "We really like you! Let's talk terms!" and the arrival of a written offer letter. A few days means three or four days, max. If you've been waiting a week-and-a-half and you haven't heard an update, you're being insulted. They don't think it's worth their time to pick up the phone and explain what obstacles they're running into -- or maybe they've lost interest.

You'll just have to cool your heels and wonder about that. That's a terrible sign, and a big signal to find a more communicative employer.

Talk to people at your gym, on the train, or at your next neighborhood barbecue, and you'll hear more than one story that ends with, "I should have paid attention to the red flags in the interview process." You'll hear it from people who failed to walk away when they should have, and wasted weeks or months being insulted by uncommunicative prospective employers.

You'll hear it from people who waited patiently for a disappointing offer, and from people who lived to regret accepting a job with an employer who executed a poorly run interview process.

You seldom hear from people, "I walked away when that company blew me off, and I wish I hadn't."

Baby boomers are retiring every day, and companies need talent. You need an employer who will treat you like a professional, and not a cog in its engine. Put your energy in pursuing the right job. Remember, not every seed is meant to grow.

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