Michael Beckwith - Challenges in Life

Why Taking Responsibility is the Most Important Step to Your Health and Well-Being

By Hale Dwoskin, New York Times Best-Selling author of The Sedona Method, and co-author of the best-selling Happiness Is Free (five-book series) is the CEO and Director of Training of Sedona Training Associates and anxiety expert. He is also one of the 24 featured teachers of the book and movie phenomenon, The Secret.

There is something that great leaders, respected mentors and those people who always seem to be happy have in common, and that’s something called personal responsibility. People who accept responsibility, embrace it even, are inevitably those who are admired, who are independent and who ultimately persevere. These are the people who admit when they’ve made a mistake, apologize when it’s necessary, and, above all else, take the “blame” for how their life is, for good and for bad.

Admittedly, the prospect of taking responsibility can be scary. After all, who wants to be held accountable if things go awry? In reality, though, the very act of NOT taking responsibility will leave you much worse off than the alternative, and here’s why: Only when you take responsibility -- for your health, your mindset, your happiness and your life -- will you be able to achieve your dreams.

You Make Choices, and Your Choices Have Consequences

Consider it from a child’s perspective. A primary thing parents teach their children is to have responsibilities, everything from doing their homework or household chores to treating their classmates with kindness. If something goes wrong, such as forgetting to do a homework assignment or talking behind a friend’s back, there are consequences and (and this is the important part) the child is held accountable.

For every choice you make, there is a consequence. Taking responsibility means that you acknowledge your role in the chain of events, you have a good idea why it happened, and you know what to do to change your actions (or how to keep them as they are) in the future to get your desired outcome.

The “Victim” Mentality

People who frequently shirk responsibility often fall into a “victim” mentality. It is everyone’s fault that they are not happy (not getting a promotion, not succeeding in their marriage, not getting to appointments on time, etc.) -- except for their own. Surely, there will be times when things are not your fault, and you may even be thinking of some of those times right now (such as “But I DID lose the promotion because my boss chose to promote his brother instead … ”). But taking responsibility does not mean you are always at fault, only that you acknowledge your part and let it go (meaning you do not perpetually blame others).

Those who have succumbed to the victim mentality, however, often exhibit the following characteristics:

• You believe you’re unlucky, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

• You think you are pretty much always right (and others would concur that you believe this).

• You rarely, if ever, apologize.

• You often feel sorry for yourself.

• You believe if others are acting poorly, you can too (i.e., “If Bob comes in late every day, why can’t I?”)

What you’ll notice about these characteristics is that they’re surrounded by negativity. And, in fact, people who don’t take responsibility are often harboring this negativity in themselves -- in the form of sadness, hopelessness, anger, depression, anxiety, fear, guilt, insecurity and a host of other negative emotions.

Over time, and even in the short-term, holding on to such negative thoughts can lead to chronic stress and, from there, chronic disease.

Ready to Take Responsibility? Here are the Steps You Need to Take

The great thing about taking responsibility is that it opens the door to anything you want. You get to decide what in your life you want to keep and what should go. How does one get to this point? It’s really quite simple. Begin by letting go of the negative emotions and self-limiting beliefs that are causing you to be stuck in a victim mentality. The Sedona Method is a scientifically proven tool that will show you how to do this very naturally and it will become second nature.

The Sedona Method is unique in that it helps you get in touch with your natural ability to let go of any painful or unwanted feeling in the moment. We ALL have this ability, however so many of us are too bogged down by negative emotions to really use it. Once you ask yourself the series of questions that make up the Method, you will be able to release the need you once had to blame others and instead will take personal responsibility.

The best part is, once you FEEL you are in charge (instead of a victim), you will ACT like you are in charge, and your life will act accordingly. You will also find that you can easily adopt the following positive traits of people who take responsibility, including:

• Accepting when you’re wrong and apologizing
• Asking others for help when you need it
• Having empathy for others
• Admitting when you’ve made a mistake
• Forgiving others easily
• Being open-minded to the opinions of others
• Believing that your life is meant to be great

And remember, once you let go of self-sabotaging beliefs and behaviors with The Sedona Method, your life will be limitless in the happiness, health and wellbeing it will create for you and those around you.

Finding Your Amusement

By Gini Grey
http://www.success.com/articles/1623/finding_your_amusement

What makes you smile inside and out, tickles your funny bone, and brings you to bursts of laughter? We all know the benefits of laughter. It gets our energy flowing, massages our internal organs, boosts our immune system and most important, feels wonderful. So what gets in the way of being amused more often? Why don't we see the humour in everything instead of being easily irritated, annoyed, or frustrated?

We don't need something funny to happen to feel amused inside. People who breeze through life, slough off problems with ease, and accept life's ups and downs with a chuckle are living in a state of amusement. Just as the endless blue sky lies behind every cloud, a blanket of lightness lies behind each of our thoughts, perceptions and feelings. All we have to do is tune into it and turn up the volume.

Imagine what your life would be like if you approached each day, each person, each task and each problem from a lighter amused state. Would you enjoy your day more, relate better with others, move through your work easier and find more creative solutions? You bet! And now imagine the ripple effect this would have on your relationships, family, work, and beyond.

To find your amusement, reflect on the following:

* What is your default mood - the state of being you tend to live in on a regular basis? Do you operate from a stance of anger, depression, joy, victim-hood, amusement, peacefulness, fear or what? If you're not sure, ask yourself how your friends and family would generally describe you as this may give you an indication. Is this the default state you want? If not, what would you choose?

* Who or what controls your state or mood? Is it dependant on others around you, circumstance or do you bring forth your own true self no matter what is going on around you?

* What gets in the way of you being amused more often? What would you have to let go of in order to lighten up? What would you have to accept? What would your life be like if you had more amusement?

To increase your amusment, try the following:

* Many people are offended by many things and all this does is put them in a bad mood. You can choose to be amused instead of offended. The next time you are about to judge something or someone (including yourself) ask yourself how you want to feel. Then ask how you can view this person or situation in order to feel this way.

* Practice being in a state of amusement - it is a simple flow of energy that you can control. Imagine turning up a dial for amusement in your body. Let the energy of amusement vibrate through your whole body, inside and out. Imagine all of your cells are laughing with each other. Notice how you feel when you do this.

* Each day when you wake up set your intention to go through the day in a sate of amusement. If you find yourself getting off track into negativity, focus on the feeling of amusement again. If you need to, think of something funny to jump start this flow and let it grow from there. Notice how your life changes when you operate from a place of amusement.

Courage Prevails

Sit back and enjoy this modern day fairy tale written by Leedman

http://www.changeeverything.ca/user/leedman

Weary to the bones, feeling the heaviness and despair, the fatigue demands you to sit and breathe awhile. As you sit and withdraw within the burdened mind and heart, you pant for breath, for life to return. A gust of wind stirs and refreshes you momentarily, clearing away the dark thoughts of the day, the months, and the years, and you raise your head and eyes to observe.

"How did I not notice this?" you ask. Two paths open before you. One appears to lead down the same path life has been handing you the past 10 years. It doesn't feel right, it feels like a lie, like all smoke and mirrors. The other road is shrouded in mist, within a dark forest. Even so, off in the distance you see a speck of light, like a promise, of something that appeals to a deeper part of yourself.

You look again, at the foreboding dark forest, the mist, and wonder what lurks in the dark. Its' eeriness sends shivers and goose bumps crawling across your skin and through your bones. What surprises you is that the bones know, they know that this is your road, and one that you've passed many times before.

Finally, tired of the same repetitious path of life, the path that has lulled you into a slumber of pity, self-loathing, even longing, you find a spark within the heart that ignites a tiny spark in the belly, and then the head, and you know the adventure begins: The life you were born to live. All that needs to happen now is to turn towards the ominous and hopeful path of rightness, not familiarity, and to strike out on foot with courage.

For many, the piercing arrow of fear strikes to heart with its' ghost-like quality. The transparent, smoky, frail, and temporal arrow of fear relies on illusion to fool them and their ever-so intelligent mind that can never be wrong. As they turn away from the path of rightness, of their true life that they were born to live, fear returns to the dark woods as a whispery haunting laugh follows the blind back to the illusion of familiarity and security.

You remember this, how many times you glanced and walked on; how many times you stopped and longed; and you even have a vague recollection of having passed it without even noticing. No, the time has come, the pain of familiarity has made you too numb, and you long for life to seize your heart and start beating again with the joy of promise given to you as a child in the arms of the Supreme.

Checking in one more time, you feel the excitement build in the bones as the pilot lights sparked earlier fuel the passion to be alive and ride life. With nary a look back your heel strikes out and into the gloom of the dark forest, and the promise of that light off in the distant future. Inside the forest, you find the familiar surround you again, as the denseness of this familiar place brings memories, mistakes, missed opportunities, and the healing to let go.

This dark forest is love and loves you. The embrace is firm, cold, and yet bold. Welcoming each error of past misjudgment transforms you, empowers you, fuels you, heals you, and the forest urges you on as each barb yields to the beautiful rose. And one day, in the unknown distance of time, you step out fully into the brilliance of your authentic life upon the meadow of gaiety.

Dancing, singing, rejoicing you spin and turn and tumble with joy. After moments or hours, as time is no longer the prison it once was, you stand, exhausted with joy and delight and turn slowly absorbing the beauty that surrounds you. Gazing back along the road less traveled you see the path from the forest to discover the beauty in the tragedies and pain, as majestic Oaks, Maples, Firs, and so many more, tower to the sky with a firm strength that stands the test of time.

Bending to knee, falling forward, embracing the earth, and all your self-worth, you give thanks with tears and sobbing that releases the fullest joy imaginable. And the quiet voice of Love speaks into your heart, clearing your mind once again, and says, "Sweet child. I honor you. It was you who seized upon Courage and found Strength where I reside. It was you, My Delight, and you bring great Joy to My Heart, knowing that you have claimed this Gift of Life fully."

The bones speak again as the flesh is crawled with goose bumps and the rightness of the words sink into the flesh. Rolling over and sitting up, you lean back on your hands for a moment to gaze up into the blue wonder to ponder thanks. "My dear God," you say, "I have fought you, misunderstood you, and even abused you, yet you call me your delight. Thank-you for acknowledging that which is in me as you, and never, ever, giving up on me."

Regaining your feet, you feel the ground firmly beneath you like you've never felt it before. You feel the blood course through your veins with a fury of life that will never lay down again. You feel the gratitude and love of a heart that has swollen in proportion to ALL. And you forge on with a zest and appeal for experiencing joy that leaves your mouth watering, knowing that the path of rightness is your own and that goodness will always reign.

A ghost appears, ever so slightly, to pierce the truth with a nightmare of fear. And just as quickly, you turn one last time and remember what that forest has taught you. For all the mistakes, wrong turns, hurts of life, and damage caused to others, forgiveness and love have never left you, let you down, abandoned you, or held any grudges. It was you, it was fear, it can and has been let go, and firmly planted in the roots of majesty. You will prevail.

Find Your Authentic Self

By Elizabeth and Barbara Pagano, written for Pink Magazine online

For most of us, discovering the core of who we really are and what we want our lives to be is a more difficult task than getting an orchid to bloom a second time. It's an individual journey, and Bradd Shore, Ph.D., of Emory University suggests beginning by asking yourself:

• What gives my life meaning?
• What are my priorities?

The Payoffs

The late Betty Friedan's The Feminine Mystique rocked our world in the early 1960s, laying the groundwork for modern feminism. Friedan said women should aspire to their own identities as individuals and should answer the questions, "Who am I?" and "What do I want out of life?" More than 40 years later, the questions are more relevant than ever.

The struggle to express – let alone find – one's authentic self can be a complicated and individual journey. Beyond knowing and accepting thyself, one has to be skilled at expressing that truth, recognizing there might be a price to pay with either choice: the straight path of authenticity or the zigzag trail of situational roles, choosing behaviors that serve the moment.

In his new book, Covering: The Hidden Assault on Our Civil Rights (Random House, January 2006), Yale law professor Kenji Yoshino writes about women practicing what he calls "covering" – downplaying aspects of themselves (i.e., motherhood) they know may be viewed as less than acceptable in the workplace. Civil rights, he says, aren't just about your right to be yourself, but also your right to reveal yourself as you are. He believes that "covering" is the way that many groups are being held back today.

Counsel from Authentic Women

• "Don't be so afraid of standing out that you become invisible. I see far too many women being invisible. Yet being distinctive is an absolute career advantage." –Margaret Heffernan, author of The Naked Truth

• "Decide whether you're doing something to please yourself or to meet the expectations of your parents, your husband or society. Make decisions based on enduring values and what you want. Otherwise, it's like marrying the wrong guy." –Lynne Seid, former president of global advertising firm Foote Cone & Belding's New York office; founding partner, Visible World

• "If your style is validated either through your employees or your business results, then hold your ground. Obviously, there's merit in it." –Kathleen Holmgren, senior vice president and general manager of Sun Microsystems' $1 billion disk storage business

• "Organizations are beginning to realize the strength of what women bring to the table, and that they get to the table in a different way. Don't downplay who you are. Instead, leverage your unique qualities." –Debra Boblitt, a vice president with State Farm Insurance

• "Success is more attributable to making good choices rather than relying on momentum. If you're in a company where you're not being respected for your talents, go to another company." –Karen Steadman, Ph.D., vice president of a consulting firm

Why It’s Important to Follow Your Heart

By Hale Dwoskin, author of The Sedona Method and one of the 24 key teachers in the blockbuster book and film, The Secret.

There is a universal intelligence or knowingness in each and every one of us. When you are open to this intelligence of the heart, it guides you in the right direction to do what is best for you and those around you. Following this intuitive knowing attracts to you whatever you need as you need it. You find yourself having, being and doing whatever is right for you in the moment for your highest good.Your heart knows what actions are appropriate for you to take to attract to you what is appropriate for you. Your heart also knows when to give or act without wanting anything in return.Following your heart also feels great. There is an inner sense of peace and completion as well as love and compassion as you allow yourself to follow your heart. This feels so good it is often its own reward.

What if I Have Attempted to Follow My Heart Unsuccessfully?

Even though you have probably heard the advice “follow your heart” before you know it is not always as easy as it sounds.First of all, we have been programmed by society to believe in and trust our minds over our hearts, so we may not even try to follow the intelligence of the heart. In my experience this is a grave mistake. Our mind can only respond after the fact based on memory, while our heart – our intuitive knowing – is always in the now responding appropriately to what is actually going on.Even if we believe in the value of trusting the intuitive knowingness that flows from the heart, we can not always tell the difference between intuition and emotional reaction. They often can start out feeling the same.

The Way to Open Yourself to the Wisdom of the Heart

There is a simple yet powerful way for you to uncover your intuitive knowingness and follow your heart… Letting go! It is very simple. When you believe you are either being mislead by the mind or are not sure that gut sense you are experiencing is actually intuition, simply let go using The Sedona Method. If you let go and it is simply mental confusion or emotional reaction it will simply lessen as you let go and may even fully disappear. If it is a message from your heart – your own knowingness – it will simply get quieter and clearer as you let go. Now you know why Lester Levenson, the inspiration behind The Sedona Method, said “Intuition is only right 100% of the time.” He knew as you now do that if you let go of your reactions and trust the true messages of the heart you can not go wrong.Allow yourself to explore letting go instead of allowing your doubt or reactions to control you the next time you are attempting to know what to do. You will find yourself following your heart and naturally moving in the direction of attracting all that is for your highest good.Please let us know how following your heart is helping you achieve what you desire. Please also share this information with everyone you know

Why ACTION is The Most Relevant Beginning to Every Success Process

By Larry Tansinda

How often do you make plans and hope that God will help? The real truth is that we all wish and hope, but do we really believe we can attain what we wish and hope for? More often than not, as human beings, we run into different situations at different times and our wishes depend on what the reality of the situations is.

How many times are we in financial, emotional, family, health or any other not so good challenges and immediately wish and hope the situation was reversed? Challenges of any kind all call for the concept of taking ACTION.

ACTION in my opinion is doing whatever it takes within reason with the intention of achieving whatever you wish for yourself to alleviate a specific challenge you may be facing. Therefore, if you have an emotional, family, health or financial difficulty, there are a certain number of steps or processes required to get out of that situation. It is how you condition your mind that makes the biggest difference. The following constitute those steps necessary to bring about change.

- Belief
- Conviction
- Positive mindset
- Action

Belief: It is fair to say that when driving a car, you believe that when approaching a stoplight, all you have to do is step on the brake pedal and that will bring the motor vehicle to a halt. That belief is without a doubt because more often than not, it happens exactly as intended each time. You believe without a doubt that reading the owner’s manual of any equipment and using that equipment accordingly will give you the desired effect. Part of the reason why we do this is because we are relying on someone other than ourselves and tend to have more faith in others. Therefore, is it possible then to believe that the actions we take can really get us out of the challenges we face? The answer is a YES in my opinion, because whatever you believe in, can yield the fruits of your intention.

Conviction: Everyone has a certain conviction about what they do and believe in. In the same strand, if you are convinced that your actions will result in a certain outcome, you are already in the process of changing your situation. Considering that in life, there is always going to be a good and bad, love and hate, night and day, beginning and end etc as is defined in the law of Polarity, it only makes sense to maintain a strong conviction that your action will bring you the intended results despite all the odds. Focusing on that which you don’t want alternately doesn’t help your desires because you will only attract more of what you don’t want.

Positive mindset: How many times do we say, “I can’t do this or that,” or that “why am I wasting my time about this…” “…This person or that person tried and failed” etc , etc. We create these situations in our minds and rationalize why things are the way they are without changing. It is amazing why we are surprised thereafter! Do you realize it is easier to be negative than positive in life? If you make a conscious effort to see something positive out of every situation, as time progresses, you will live a life of always attracting the positive things and thoughts.

Action: If you believe, and are convinced or maintain a positive mind set, you still have to begin an action process to complete the journey. Action means that you face the challenge truthfully even if it is embarrassing or difficult, seek the necessary steps through specific actions and before long, you will see results. Therefore, if you have a financial challenge, take steps such as documenting where you are spending money and cut down on your expenses, get a second job to pay down debt, stop eating out etc, etc. When you start doing these things, the combination of believing, conviction and having a positive mindset will generate the right thoughts in your endeavor and as a result attract the right directives which will eventually conquer whatever it is you are trying to change.

If on the other hand, you have an unpleasant job situation, instead of negatively complaining and getting all bitter about everything others are doing, start taking action. Use the ingredients (BCPA) and design an exit strategy for yourself. It could be more education, learning a new skill or talking to someone who has or is where you want to be.

You may not see these results immediately, but I can testify for a fact that being consistent and focused on BCPA will ultimately get you there.

How many people have bothered to ask why so many immigrants to the United States have been able to within 2 – 5 years upon arrival achieve what so many are still struggling to have despite the same or better opportunities? It is not all about luck. It is consciously or unconsciously adapting a BCPA strategy. What about babies growing up? Some decide to walk in 7 or 8 months while others go for up to 14 months. It comes down to believing it can be done. When you watch babies attempting to walk, you can see the determination in their demeanor and know this is something they want to do themselves. Think about the first time your child decided to ride a bicycle without training wheels. The same principle holds true if we need to get out of uncomfortable situations.

Change is a necessary deviation from our comfort level and if you have to become something different from what you are used to, it is necessary to face your fears, believe in yourself like you do your car, then act.

Remember that the Universe is everything and therefore you are protected within that universe because you are part of it. What it really takes is your mind and how you control it. Positive thoughts will attract positive outcomes. In fact, your mind is like a computer, it will pull files that are stored in it. If you have positive files only those will be retrieved when you do a search. Similarly, if you have only negative files (thoughts), the mind has no choice but to pull from that data source.

Steve Jobs Inspires

Finding the Lesson and Becoming Thankful

By Tamara Aw
Founder & Director of MEG Staffing

During much of the year, we focus our attention on what we are not happy with, what we are lacking, things we feel are missing. I am sure that any number of us can effortlessly rattle off a long list of ways that our lives are not what we want them to be. It is very easy to become mired in negativity and lose sight of the many blessings bestowed upon us daily. What is extremely hard to do, but is immeasurably vital to obtaining true peace of mind and happiness, is finding the lessons in the midst of what we perceive as lack and being truly grateful for what we have, no matter how small or insignificant it may seem.

Some time ago, I experienced a paradigm shifting series of events. At the onset of this "lesson" I felt utterly hopeless and full of despair. I spent countless hours crying and ashamed, desperate and humiliated; I had absolutely no idea how I would escape the situation and quite honestly wanted to curl up in a corner somewhere and disappear. Thoughts of facing my friends, family and critics if I did not resolve the situation raced through my mind and it was terrifying. I could mentally hear the accusations and see the disappointment etched on the faces of those dearest to me. How would I face my children? What would my mother say? How would this affect my marriage? How on earth could I reasonably explain what happened without shining a glaring spotlight on the irresponsible and misinformed choices I had made? "You are a failure; you'll never change. They were right about you.", mercilessly looped through my mind like a cruel recording that seemed to take on a life of its own. The negative thoughts and feelings assailed me from all sides and my old habits of avoidance, procrastination, self-pity and blame were eager to fill their long-held posts within my psyche.

The worst part of this entire ordeal was that the crisis I found myself in was totally self-created. The decisions that had given birth to the chain of events leading up to my predicament were overwhelmingly my own. It was a shame, but the road down which I was treading had carried the weight of my steps before. The scenery was all too familiar. I was devastated.

Broken and emotionally exhausted, I turned to God. Humbly, I began to pray in earnest, asking for God to show me the lessons and help me through the storm. I can honestly state that I did not consciously expect anything major to happen, but I felt I had no other option.

From somewhere deep within, a tiny voice emerged. "You can get past this.", it said. Feeling helpless, I brushed the voice aside and continued to despair. "You will grow from this, if you learn the lesson. You do not have to experience this again.", louder this time. In my heart I felt that believing anything other than the worse would be setting myself up for huge disappointment; thus, I continued to ignore the message.

As time marched on and my situation became even more precarious, the voice grew stronger. Each time I told myself that I was powerless to change my fate, the voice pointed out a multitude of options. Every time I rationalized why any action would be taken in vain since it was too late to fix the situation, the voice insisted that action was an absolute necessity. My ears were clogged with self doubt that was firmly rooted in years of low self esteem. My faith, long since diminished, could not believe there was a way out. My pity party was in full swing and familiarly comfortable. Did I not deserve the inevitable outcome of my poor choices? "No!", the voice demanded. I continued to shroud myself in self-pity, inadequacy and distractions, willing the voice to just be quiet and stop trying to give me false hope. The voice was daring me, forcing me to step out of my comfort zone and risk failure for the sake of changing an outcome. The thought of trying and failing was scarier than facing the terrible consequences that would result from inaction. As such, I dug my heels in deeper and filled my head with thousands of reasons why I should resign myself to my fate. The noise of panic set in, nearly drowning out common sense. In spite of this, the voice grew louder and louder still until it reached a soul searing crescendo. Finally, unable to fight it any longer, I sat still and listened. Then, I believed.

I began to take action, strengthened by the onset of absolute faith that grew stronger as each day ticked past. I knew that even if I could not change the outcome, in the end, I would be alright. I gave up the driver's seat to the only One who truly controlled anything, continued to take action and believe that in time, I would come out on top.

Many times my actions resulted in failure, but I kept persevering. After days of trying to change my situation and getting no where, a dear friend of mine called. She said that I had been on her mind for the past couple of days and that each time she thought about me she became very sad. For that reason, she had felt an urgent need to contact me. I thank God that she followed her instincts and reached out to me because it was through her that my answer came. I truly believe that God instructed her to call and provide me with the answer I so desperately needed. At the very last second of the eleventh hour, my situation was resolved. I am eternally grateful to her and to God for bringing her into my life. I am forever changed.

The lesson I took home from this ordeal was that I need to be truly thankful for each and every experience, loved one and possession in my life. I am truly changed and now actively look for the silver lining of every cloud. Life is good.

During this holiday season, I implore you to take some quiet time to think about all that is near and dear to you. I challenge you to feel extreme gratefulness for each day and every accomplishment, no matter how minor it may seem to you at the time. Instead of griping and wallowing in self pity over the situations you feel are keeping you down, take action. Dig in deep, find your inner strength and faith, then take action. Do not continue to expect new results from the same old actions. You are in control of your destiny and you have the most powerful cheerleader in your corner. Go to Him for guidance, humble yourself and pray. Dare to believe. Dare to be grateful. Dare to have faith. Dare to be thankful. Make this year the year that you experience your great breakthrough and begin to live to your full potential.

Tony Robbins Motivates You in 20 Minutes

The Best “You” Ever: Overcome Adversity

By Valerie Greene, author and inspirational speaker who survived a massive stroke at age 31 that paralyzed one side of her body and left her unable to speak. Doctors told her she might never walk or talk again. Today she is a national speaker, empowering others to overcome their obstacles. For more information, call 407-629-2608 or visit www.ValerieGreene.com.

While no one expects adversity or enjoys experiencing it, the fact is that challenges are a normal part of life. From a job loss to a divorce, a health challenge to a natural disaster, adversity comes in many different shapes and sizes. However, it is not the actual situation that causes people turmoil; rather, it is the way we react to the adversity that makes the situation stressful. Consider this: Two people working in the same department with similar education levels and skill sets get laid off from their job on the same day. One moans and groans about how unfair life is, worries how he’ll pay the bills, feels like a failure, and is forced to settle for a new job that pays less. The other believes that “things happen” in business and doesn’t take the job loss personally. He knows he’ll find an even better job that pays more…and he does.

You may wonder how two similar people facing the same adversity can have completely different outcomes. In reality, their outcomes were the same. That is, they both believed a certain outlook on life, and that outlook became their reality. So if you think of an adversity as something negative to be feared, then you’ll create a negative experience. However, if you view an adversity as a time for change and rebirth, then that’s exactly what you’ll enjoy.

Unfortunately, the majority of people fear adversity because they’ve heard messages their entire life of how difficult challenges can be: a job loss might lead to financial ruin, a divorce might leave you lonely and bitter, a negative health diagnosis could make you weak and feeble. Realize that you don’t have to buy into these negative messages. You can decide what you want your outcome to be. How? Use the following tips to guide you:

1. Erase the negative programming: Don’t let anyone else’s experience influence your current situation. If you hear other people’s “war stories” of how awful a job loss is, for example, then you’re likely to think the same thing will happen to you. And if you constantly tell yourself, “I’m not going to get through this,” then you won’t. That’s why you need to stop those negative messages as soon as they start.

Be like a courtroom judge. When the judge hears someone on the stand say something that’s pure conjecture during testimony, she tells the stenographer to “strike that statement from the record,” and then tells the jurors to “disregard what the witness just said.” You need to do the same thing to yourself. When you catch yourself thinking a negative thought, cancel that statement. Give yourself the same power you give everyone else—the power to influence your thoughts and create your outcome.

2. See yourself beyond the adversity, successful and happy: Napoleon Hill said, “Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.” His words are so true. When you’re in the midst of an adversity, envision where you want to be, even if your vision seems unrealistic. See yourself beyond the challenge. When most people are in the middle of an adversity, they only see themselves as they are during that set point in time—in the middle of their challenge. That is, they see themselves as unemployed, as sick, as divorced, etc. But you need to look beyond that to what you want to achieve.

Realize that whatever situation you’re in is temporary and it will pass, no matter how bad it may seem. When you envision what’s possible, you quickly discover that adversity actually propels you to move to the next level. It’s a catalyst for change that allows you to re-invent yourself or your life circumstances. Adversity prepares you for something better.

3. Surround yourself with visuals of your dreams: In order to keep your mindset positive so you can envision your desired outcome, cut out pictures and phrases of what you want or of how you want your life to be. Post those pictures and phrases in a prominent place so you can see them every day. Despite the usual advice of “get over it and move on,” overcoming adversity involves making the situation pass. The old saying of “This too shall pass” should really read: “This too shall pass…if you let it.” You let situations pass by being proactive during them and working towards a goal you can actually see.

The pictures you post can be of anything meaningful to you. For example, if you’ve been told you’ll never walk again, you may post pictures of people running marathons or of the dream car you want to own and drive. If you lost your job, you may use images of successful working people to guide you. If you just got divorced, photos of happily married couples could prompt you to finally find Mr. or Ms. Right. Decide what images you find motivational and inspirational and use them to see you through any trying times.

4. Decide to change your outcome from ordinary to extraordinary: Why be average or mediocre when you can be spectacular? Most people don’t know what is really possible. They don’t realize that they have the power to change their life. So when a doctor gives a bad prognosis, or when an employer enforces a salary cap, they accept the circumstance as “just the way it is.” In reality, you can always do better.

Go beyond what the normal or average is. If you don’t like the situation you’re in or the prognosis you’ve been given, don’t buy into the belief that you can’t change it. We all have the power to overcome adversity and find ourselves in the middle of something extraordinary. We simply must decide to believe we can.

Your Future Awaits: Adversity is part of life. The key is not to get hung up in it. No matter what life challenge you’re currently facing, realize that you possess the power to overcome it. Granted, sometimes it takes what seems like a long time to discover that power and implement it, but once you do, anything is possible. So go ahead …push through the fear, spark the flame of greatness that’s deep inside yourself, and never allow anything or anyone to extinguish your fire within.

How To Eliminate Stress by Eliminating Responsibilities: Use a Time Management Chart

By Sheri McConnell, President of the National Association of Women Writers (http://www.NAWW.org). She helps women writers and entrepreneurs discover, create, and profit from their intellectual knowledge! Free reports for writers available with subscription to NAWW Weekly. Sheri lives in San Antonio, Texas with her husband Seth and their four children. Contact her at naww@onebox.com or her toll free number at 866-821-5829.

Know When It Is Time To Eliminate Responsibilities

Feeling stressed lately? Too many to-do’s on your to-do list? If you are doing too much for too many people, you must eliminate some of the stress in your life. Start by eliminating the responsibilities that do not directly contribute to the top three goals in your life. Many areas of your life will improve immediately. Lightening your load will benefit you by improving the quality of your health and your relationships. Reevaluate your responsibilities using a time management chart at least twice a year.

Start By Writing Down Your Goals

Before you can begin to eliminate responsibilities, you need to decide what your top three goals are. They do not need to be in order of importance. Mine are: 1) Nurture myself, 2) Spend quality time with my family, and 3) Grow my businesses.

Create Your Time Management Chart

Your chart will consist of three columns: a list of all your current responsibilities, the approximate number of hours each responsibility takes during a given month (estimate), and which of the three goals the responsibility is helping you to accomplish (if any!). You will find that many of your current responsibilities are not helping you to accomplish one of the three goals. These are the easiest to eliminate or to delegate. Learning how to delegate is important because it allows you additional time you need to focus on your three goals. You can delegate a lot: my youngest daughter folds the dish- and face-cloths in our house while her two older sisters handle the rest of the laundry. Here is a partial example of my time management chart. (Note: You can create a table with the correct number of rows and three columns in Microsoft Word under the “table” drop-down menu. Mine appears in a listing format below.)

• Column One –> Responsibility
  • PTA Board
  • Running my local women’s group
  • Taking my children to and from soccer practices and games
  • Spend 1 hour each day exercising
  • Spend 6 to 8 hours, Monday thru Friday, working my businesses
  • Cleaning the house/laundry and grocery shopping.
• Column Two –> Number of Hours per Month (Respectively)
  
  • 5
  • 5 - 10
  • 20
  • 30
  • 128 - 160
  • 20 - 30
• Column Three –> Goal That I Am Accomplishing, If Any (Respectively)
  
  • Not helping me accomplish one of my 3 goals
  • Not helping me accomplish one of my 3 goals
  • Not helping me accomplish one of my 3 goals
  • #1 Nurture myself
  • #3 Grow my businesses
  • Not helping me accomplish one of my three goals.

The Elimination Process

After reviewing my complete chart, I decided to step down from my local women’s group responsibilities and from my children’s PTA Board. I decided to delegate more household responsibilities. Completing this chart every six months allows you to assign tasks based on the new skill levels of the family. Children develop quickly and can take on more chores as they grow. Doing everything for your children doesn’t help them–if anything it hinders them in adulthood. Delegating household chores to them is a win-win for everyone. I also sat down with the other adult in my life (my husband) and convinced him to take on more responsibility. Not an easy task! I know my chart (the complete version) made it much easier for him to see where he could easily pitch in. He chose grocery shopping and driving the children to and from their events. Create your own time management chart and “take back” at least 10-15 hours of your life each month. You will be less stressed and happier. I know I was!

Employers Step Up Domestic Violence Help

By Ellen Simon, AP Business Writer

NEW YORK - Gloria Holmes-Mason tried to get away from her abusive husband again and again.

She was in the process of divorcing him, but he was still abusing her when she finally got the help she credits with saving her life — at work.

"You don't wake up wanting to get hit," she said. "No one wants that."

Employers are stepping up their efforts to help workers in abusive relationships, doing everything from threat assessments to relocating those in danger.

At Verizon Wireless, a mother worried about her daughter's safety sent an email to executives; the company moved her to another part of the country, said spokeswoman Debra Lewis. Jerry Rossi, senior executive vice president, group president at TJX Cos., said the company has not only moved employees who were in danger, it's worked with state and federal authorities to give them new identities.

Some employers have started programs as part of a company effort, while others launched or intensified intervention efforts after a worker was murdered.

Harman International, an audio and electronics company based in Washington, D.C., started its program in 2001 after 24-year employee Teresa Duran was fatally run over by her ex-husband in the parking lot of her apartment building.

"It was brutal," said Lynn Harman, corporate counsel at the company, who has done legal work with abused women.

With help from the Family Violence Prevention Fund in San Francisco, a nonprofit group, the company developed a policy to help employees in violent relationships and rolled out companywide mandatory training. It emphasizes recognizing when employees are in danger and referring them to an expert who can help.

Lynn Harman, who is the daughter of Sidney Harman, the company's executive chairman and former CEO, says she's been thrilled with the results.

One worker talked to a domestic violence counselor and decided to leave the state for her safety. Another realized her sister, who avoided socializing with the family, was likely being abused. With help, she got out of the relationship.

"I cannot for the life of me understand why every corporation in America doesn't do this," Harman said. "It's inexpensive. It's simple. The sense of well-being employees have knowing their companies care enough to do this is not something you can buy. After every training, we get thank-you notes from employees."

Setting up the program cost $125,000. "Peanuts," she said.

Douglas Leach, coordinator for employer outreach programs at Blue Shield of California Foundation, an independent grant-making agency funded by Blue Shield of California, leads training sessions across the state and emphasizes how abuse can lead to poor work performance. Blue Shield of California reassessed its policies after one of its call center workers was murdered by her husband in 1996.

Leach gives a composite example: The abuse victim has set the alarm for 6:30 a.m., but the abuser has set the clock back, ripped the work clothes, thrown out the packed lunch, siphoned gas from the car, hidden the car keys and put them back after the victim had looked for them for twenty minutes.

Then the victim gets to work and is asked why he or she is late.

Many victims of domestic violence feel economically trapped and are so isolated, work is their only social outlet.

Employers need to know "if they can help victims keep their jobs, they might be saving a life right there," said Leach.

It can also protect the company. Victims have won claims and received damage awards when employers haven't responded appropriately, said Robin Runge, a Washington-D.C. based attorney who has represented victims.

Eleven states allow companies to get protective orders, Runge said.

Twenty-eight states have laws that extend unemployment insurance protection to people who leave their jobs because of domestic violence and eight states have laws that grant leaves to workers who must miss work for reasons relating to abuse. For a summary of state law, see http://legalmomentum.org/legalmomentum/files/employmentrightsguideaugust2007.pdf.

Formal training has led to a skyrocketing increase in the number of calls to Liz Claiborne's domestic violence task force, said Jane Randel, vice president of corporate communications. The company had no calls on the issue in 2002, but since starting formal training in 2003, it's dealt with more than 100 cases.

In one case, corporate security put a worker in a hotel room for a night when she had nowhere else to go. In another, when a retail worker didn't show up for work, her supervisor alerted the company's violence response team. Working with the authorities, they found she was being held hostage by her abuser. The woman credits the company with saving her life, Randel said.

For Holmes-Mason, whose struggle to leave her husband included living in her car and times when she kept the house cold and dark to numb herself, the abuse hurt her job performance. Her husband would harass her at her job in lab processing and technology at Advocate Good Samaritan Hospital in Downers Grove, Ill. She started coming to work late, calling in sick a lot.

"My boss said, 'I don't want to write you up, you've been a good worker,'" Holmes-Mason said. "I didn't want to talk about it. She started seeing some of the bruises on me."

Her boss encouraged her to go to a training session on domestic violence at the hospital. She met clinical nurse specialist Sarah Katula, whom she credits with saving her life.

"She didn't make me feel bad for what I was going through," Holmes-Mason said. "She said, 'If you feel the need to go back, you can go back, but I'm always there for you.' I never went back."

That was four years ago.

Katula also connected Holmes-Mason with a local shelter and helped her with practical matters, like writing an outline of what she needed to say in court.

"You can get out," Holmes-Mason said. "My life is so much better. I finally get the normal problems I always wanted, like how to pay the bills."

************************************

Gloria Holmes-Mason, a victim of spousal abuse, is pictured with her arms around Sarah Katula, who helped Gloria escape her abuser.

The Impact of Dressing Too Sexy at Work

By: Tamara Aw, Founder & Director of MEG Staffing

Over the years, I have worked at various places of employment where many of my female counterparts regularly dressed as if they were ready for a night on the town versus a day at the office. While sexy attire is great for shaking it on the dance floor, it is not appropriate in a place of business.

Many females mistakenly believe that the attention they get from dressing sexy on the job will translate into promotions and increased career opportunities. More often than not, the exact opposite occurs and dressing too sexy at work drastically hinders career advancement.

I admit that I once adhered to the "if you've got it, flaunt it" mantra when it came to work attire. During that time, I routinely found myself stuck in low paying jobs that I hated. The career opportunities presented to me were rarely challenging and I would quickly become frustrated and bored. I knew I was smart and capable of much more and could not understand why others did not see it.

It was while working in the Event Services department of the largest convention hotel in DC that I had my "Aha!" moment. During the early part of my tenure there, tight pants, low cut tops, short skirts and sexy pumps were on regular rotation in my office wardrobe. I reveled in the reactions I would receive from my male coworkers, including those in upper management. They would buy me lunches, birthday cards and presents, Christmas gifts and other trinkets. I loved the admiration and special treatment I received. What I did not love was the fact that I was passed over for one opportunity after the other even when I was clearly qualified for the positions. A manager actually laughed dismissively when I mentioned applying for a higher position within the company. I realized that while I received plenty of attention, it was not the kind I needed nor truly desired. It was clear that I was not being taken seriously.

I began comparing myself to the women in the company who commanded respect and achieved career success. The differences between me and them were so glaring that I was shocked I had not noticed earlier. These women were sharp. They oozed classiness. They dressed professionally, spoke professionally, carried themselves professionally, they were what I wanted to become. These were the women I had wrongly assumed were "jealous" of me because of all the attention I garnered. I shamefully realized that they were not jealous, they simply did not believe I was on their level and preferred not to interact with me. It took a lot of soul searching and looking in the mirror, but I realized that if I wanted to change the perception people had of me, I would have to present a more professional and classy image.

Almost immediately after altering my attire and beginning to "dress for success", I noticed a shift in the way I was treated. The responses from my managers and coworkers, both male and female, were instantaneous. Several managers pulled me aside to tell me how much my quality of work had improved. I swear to you that I did not change my working habits at all, but since my outward appearance was more professional, they perceived my work as more professional as well. In meetings, colleagues and managers would literally turn to me and ask my opinion on various matters. I was totally floored...this had never happened before. It was as if everyone suddenly discovered I had a brain.

As the treatment I received continued to improve, a funny thing happened. I began behaving in a more professional manner and expecting more of myself for my life and career. Shortly thereafter I received a raise and a promotion to the Executive Office reporting to the General Manager. I ended up leaving that company several months later in order to begin a new career with a firm that paid me an unbelievable 40% more in salary per year.

A very wise and successful woman, who just happens to be my mother, had this to say when I brought up the topic of how one should dress for work, "you should always dress for the job you want, not the one you have." My story illustrates the truth of her words. I am convinced that had I continued to dress too sexy for work, I would have remained stuck toiling away in low paying dead end jobs.

Read the article below to see what Kate Lorenz, Editor of CareerBuilder.com has to say on the subject.

--------------------------------------------

Are You Too Sexy For Your Job?

Warning: Too much cleavage can be hazardous to your career.... and there's science to prove it. Dressing sexy can have negative affects at work especially the higher you climb on the ladder, according to a recent University of Lawrence study led by professor Peter Glick. The study found that risqué dress on the job is viewed as inappropriate for those in all positions. Managers who dressed provocatively, however, were perceived less intelligent and less competent, while those in lower level positions (like receptionists) were not. The study also suggests that women who wear racy clothing are perceived as using their sexuality to advance professionally. "Although various media directed toward women... encourage women to emphasize their sex appeal, our results suggest that women in high-status occupations may have to resist this siren call to obtain the respect of their co-workers," Glick concludes. So what can happen if you dress provocatively at work? This past year we saw two high-profile cases involving women who were deemed too sexy for their jobs. Harvard librarian Desiree Goodwin, who holds two advanced degrees from Cornell University, charged that she was passed over for promotion 16 times because of her attire and physical attractiveness. Goodwin claimed the jobs she sought were given to women with less experience and education and that a supervisor told her she was perceived as a "pretty girl" who wore "sexy outfits." Meanwhile, on the shores of the Adriatic Sea, Caterina Bonci, a Roman Catholic religion teacher, said she was fired from her job at a state-run school for being too sexy. (The school principal said both parents and teachers complained about her high hemlines and ample décolletage.) "In the 14 years I had this job, I have always been attacked by my female colleagues and the rest of the staff because of my attractiveness," Bonci told the Italian media. "And if you consider that at our parent-teacher meetings it was always the fathers who came to see me, one can see why I have so often been at the center of attention and a target of gossip." Bonci failed to win her job back; Goodwin not only lost her civil case, but also received a bill for Harvard's legal costs. Fair or not, courts around the country are upholding employers' rights to ban "sexy" dressing in the workplace. Just how do the courts define "sexy?" According to Eric Matusewitch, deputy director of the New York City Equal Employment Practices Commission, the courts consider "sexy" attire to be clothing that is particularly revealing and of extreme fit, as well as excessive use of makeup. To those who argue that this discriminates against women, Matusewitch replies, "The code applies equally to both sexes. So, if employers require men to dress conservatively, they can require women to avoid tight, flashy and revealing outfits as well." With the current "skin is in" fashions and the media full of images that suggest provocative dress is acceptable -- even desirable -- in the workplace, how can you make sure you don't cross the line? Here are some guidelines: Skirts: Too little is too much. Skirt lengths should be no more than one hand-width above the knee. Tops: Make sure there is at least one-inch of room between body and fabric and that it is long enough to conceal your midriff. Stomach, breasts, back and shoulders should be covered. Fabric should not be overly sheer and a bra should be worn (with no straps revealed). Dresses: No halter tops or cleavage-baring necklines. Avoid overly snug fits. Again, hemlines should hit no more than one hand-width above the knee. Pants: Shun overly tight or hip-hugger pants that expose the midriff. Stick with neutral colors. Shoes: Heels should be no higher than two inches; toe should be closed. Avoid strappy styles, bright colors and patterns. Hair: Keep your hair sleek and off your face. Avoid the teased, over-processed look. Makeup: Keep it clean and natural. Avoid heavy eyeliner or evening lipsticks. "If you flaunt your figure in a professional setting, colleagues and clients may question your judgment or make unflattering assumptions about your character," warns Susan Roane, lecturer, author and business etiquette expert. "Clothing and appearance are visual shorthand. The point is to be noticed for your business skills, not your short skirts or push-up bra. "If you want a job, dress the part. If you want to show off your body... well, that's what your free time is for." Kate Lorenz is the article and advice editor for CareerBuilder.com. She researches and writes about job search strategy, career management, hiring trends and workplace issues.

Designing a Future Marked by High Self-Esteem

by: Dr. Joe Rubino
http://www.getmotivation.com

Studies show that more than 85% of the world’s population suffers from some degree of diminished self-worth. For most people who lack a positive self-image, the future looks like a mere extension of their troubled past. Their expectation of what is to be is consistent with what has been — with a slight and predictable level of improvement. Because of their lacking self-esteem, most are resigned to a life that lacks the excitement and passion that characterizes the lives of those who feel worthy of tapping into the best things life has to offer. People who possess a positive self-image typically have an optimistic expectation of what is ahead of them and as a result, they realize this expectation as a self-fulfilling prophesy.

In contrast to the state of resignation that typifies those with diminished self-esteem, consider the possibility that the future lives as the realization of a promise — a promise you make to yourself and to the world. The future will result from your expectations and the quality of your future will be impacted by the commitment you have for it. It lives as a possibility. In other words, you get to invent it. In fact, you are the sole designer and architect of what is to be and the result will be entirely consistent with your expectation and your self-image.

In other words, our future will be directly related to what we expect for it to be. If we doubt our self-worth and expect our future lives to be worse than our current situation, we will sabotage ourselves into making it turn out in alignment with this self-fulfilling prophesy. If we limit our expectations and plan on more of the same results we have experienced to date, our apathy will generate a future consistent with this expectation. To the contrary, if we believe in ourselves and our expectation is that our future will be better than our present situation, self-motivation will lead to actions that will bring about the positive outcome we envision.

If we feel good about ourselves and expect to live happy, fulfilled, and successful lives, we will take the actions consistent with realizing that expectation. We will therefore generate the opportunities that will result in rich relationships, abundance, and joy being attracted to our lives – because we believe we deserve it and act on this belief.

We get what we expect and attract prosperity or lack, joy or sorrow, rewarding relationships or angry, frustrating ones all as a result of whether or not we feel worthy. Just as we can doubt our abilities to succeed and our worthiness of attracting rewarding friends and intimate relationships, we can also instead choose to take full responsibility for expecting all aspects of our lives to be the way we want them to turn out. When we come from this positive mindset and commit to manifesting our dream lives, we put forth an energy that attracts all the things we desire to us.

Realize that you have consciously or unconsciously attracted everything that shows up in your life to you. If where you are in life, the relationships you have attracted to you, your physical, financial, emotional and spiritual states are not what you desire, decide now to alter your course. Decide that you deserve better. Get in touch with the erroneous decisions you made at an early age that impacted your self-esteem. Reframe how you see yourself and resolve to act from a declaration of who you are (just because you say so) instead of the unlovable, somehow defective or unworthy image you made up or bought into long ago.

Change your expectations. Design a life plan consistent with your new expectations. Make requests of those who can support your efforts in some way. The future exists for each of us as a possibility. When we do the necessary work to complete our troubled past and put the self-interpretations that do not support us behind, we can courageously decide to design our future lives deliberately to be in alignment with joy, abundance, fun, fulfillment, and self-love. When we train ourselves to first expect positive results and then to act in accordance with what we expect, we set the stage for a bright and promising tomorrow. We have the personal power to create our future on purpose. The future can unfold out of our declaration of how we see ourselves and what we expect it to be like. To the extent that we take responsibility to expect great things in our lives, ensure we give off positive, attractive, loving energy and then get into action to bring about our expectations, we will be the force behind the realization of a rewarding happy future characterized by soaring self-esteem.

So, my challenge for you today is to write out a clear and specific vision of exactly what your life will be like in every area including your relationships, health, wealth and finances, occupation, recreation and social life, and personal and spiritual development. Commit to resolving any past issues that continue to erode how you feel about yourself. I wrote “The Self-Esteem Book” and the accompanying “The Self-Esteem Workbook” to support you to learn the tools that will allow you to reinvent your life and how you see yourself. When you realize that you have the power to transform your world and enhance the quality of experiences you attract to you, you will begin to act upon opportunities for manifesting joy, fulfillment, abundance, success, and meaningful relationships. There are no accidents. You are reading this article now because you have attracted the opportunity to take a significant step forward. Seize the chance and begin to look for the countless opportunities to impact your life all around you on a daily basis. Transformation begins with the intention to look for opportunities that can make a difference in your life and then taking bold, focused action in the direction of your vision. All that it takes is courage to begin the process of restoring your personal magnificence and a commitment to consistent awareness and effective actions.

Dr. Joe Rubino is an acclaimed personal-development trainer, self-esteem expert, transformational success-coach and author of 11 best-selling books and audios available in 19 languages. He is the CEO of www.CenterForPersonalReinvention.com, a life-impacting personal excellence and leadership-development company and the author of the transformational www.SelfEsteemSystem.com.

When an Employer Just Is Not That Into You

by Liz Ryan
provided by BusinessWeek.com

No one ever said a white-collar job search was easy. There's nothing relaxing or carefree about tracking down corporate recruiters, following up on interviews, and playing phone tag for days with overstressed HR people and hiring managers. Job hunting is grueling, mentally and emotionally.

But if you think about job searching the same way you would planting seeds, you'll have a different perspective. Every gardener knows that many of the seeds he plants will get eaten by birds. Others will shrivel and die. But gardeners don't waste time tracking the progress of every seed or nurturing those that just won't thrive. They water the garden and see what grows. It's the same with a job search; not everything we do will bear fruit. The tough part is knowing when to give up on the seed that isn't going anywhere.

Employers don't like to send "No, Thank You" letters. They'll wait until the last minute, until the selected candidate (not you) has started work, or even later, before telling the rest of the pack, "We hired someone else." It's a shabby way to treat people and one of my least favorite corporate practices.

So you have to be alert earlier in the process for signs that you're not a front-runner for the job. It's easy to get stuck in the rut of continual and pointless follow-up, no matter how lackluster (or absent) the company's response. Here are some signs that they're just not that into you, and you'd be better served pursuing other opportunities:

1. Silence After Initial Contact

Let's say you get a voice mail from a company recruiter, and you in turn leave three voice mails without a response. That typically means the company recruiter made a bunch of phone calls to track down likely candidates and didn't reach you, but did reach four or five other people. Of those four or five, let's say three of the folks were great fits for the job.

What's her incentive to follow up with you? Very little, if any. If a series of callbacks elicits no response, leave one more message saying, "It seems that you're going in another direction with your search. Best of luck to you, and I'll assume that you're not interested in me at this point." Then, don't call back anymore. If they want you, they can find you.

2. Difficulty Scheduling a Phone Screen

Recruiters are as time-pressed as anyone else. When they have something they need to get done, they want to do it now. When someone calls you hoping to conduct a phone screen with you, they pray you're at home and ready to chat with them at that moment. If you're busy or unprepared, it's fine to schedule a phone screen for later in the week. But if they say, "I'll call you back to schedule your phone interview," that's a bad sign. There's a high probability they won't. And if you find that you're wasting calls and e-mail messages getting that phone screen scheduled, they're talking to other people they're more excited about. Let them go.

3. Last-Minute Interview Changes

Perhaps you're scheduled to come in and meet Joe, Javier, and Sandra. The day before the interview, there's a change: Joe and Sandra aren't available, so you're going to meet Cindy and Mohamed. When you get to the company, another change -- you're going to see Janice, or is it Janelle? -- the temp who's working in marketing. Lots of interview changes are a bad sign. Every company pays attention to its urgent items and lets others slide. If your interview feels like an afterthought, it's probably because after they scheduled you to come in they found the world's perfect candidate (not you) for the job.

4. Delay in Post-Interview Contact

Every corporate manager and HR person is overbooked, so we'll give them a week to collect their thoughts. The second week is when they should be scheduling people for second interviews, if it hasn't happened earlier. By the third week, you have to conclude that one of two things is true: Either your interview didn't make anyone's heart beat faster, or they're so disorganized (and discourteous) that you really don't want to work there anyway.

If you've sent a polite post-interview thank-you letter and left a follow-up voice mail or two, but find yourself sitting in RadioSilenceLand three weeks later, it's time to move on. You could get bumped at any point in the process: after your phone screen, after your HR interview, or after you meet the hiring manager. Rather than exhaust yourself following up on a dead seed, acknowledge the brush-off and move on.

5. Too Many Changes in the Process

You phone-interviewed for a sales engineer position, working under Stan. When they brought you in for a face-to-face interview. it had morphed into a product engineer position in Stella's group. Now they want you in again, to meet with Jared for an applications engineer position.

At this point, stop the action and request a live phone call with the person you feel most comfortable with in these conversations. Ask him or her, "What's going on?" With luck, you'll get a straight answer: A big reorganization is under way, or they love you and they're trying to find a spot that is actually budgeted to be filled this month. Don't stay in the process if you can't get anyone to level with you. Companies who play bait-and-switch are very often employers who value their employees' needs little, if at all.

6. Slow Follow-Up After Second Interview

By the time you've made two trips to an employer's facility, you're well invested in the process. If they are too, they should tell you. You should hear from a company within three or four business days following a second interview, and recruiters should be brimming with enthusiasm in their follow-up phone calls or e-mails.

If that's not the case, give them a heads-up that you've got other fish to fry; give them another day to fill you in on where you stand in their process, and then walk away. Just leave a voice mail saying, "I'm under the impression that you didn't find a good match between my background and the position we discussed; if I'm wrong about that, please let me know today. Otherwise, I'll close the file."

7. Delay in Extending the Offer

With corporate rigmarole being what it is, it's hard to get an offer letter approved these days. There may be a few days' delay between the call that says, "We really like you! Let's talk terms!" and the arrival of a written offer letter. A few days means three or four days, max. If you've been waiting a week-and-a-half and you haven't heard an update, you're being insulted. They don't think it's worth their time to pick up the phone and explain what obstacles they're running into -- or maybe they've lost interest.

You'll just have to cool your heels and wonder about that. That's a terrible sign, and a big signal to find a more communicative employer.

Talk to people at your gym, on the train, or at your next neighborhood barbecue, and you'll hear more than one story that ends with, "I should have paid attention to the red flags in the interview process." You'll hear it from people who failed to walk away when they should have, and wasted weeks or months being insulted by uncommunicative prospective employers.

You'll hear it from people who waited patiently for a disappointing offer, and from people who lived to regret accepting a job with an employer who executed a poorly run interview process.

You seldom hear from people, "I walked away when that company blew me off, and I wish I hadn't."

Baby boomers are retiring every day, and companies need talent. You need an employer who will treat you like a professional, and not a cog in its engine. Put your energy in pursuing the right job. Remember, not every seed is meant to grow.

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