"You are so negative. Why not try being positive and appreciative just for once in your life?" cried a disgruntled employee as she glared across her general manager's wide desk.
Then she turned on her heels and sternly walked out of his office, shoulders back, eyes wide open, a hint of a smile at one corner of her mouth, feeling especially proud of herself.
The general manager embarrassingly outlined this event to me a few days later, and I could clearly see that he was shocked and taken aback by her reaction. She had always been a calm, level-headed person.
Up until that particular moment, he never considered himself to be a negative or disapproving person, whether at work or at home. And he certainly was convinced that he appreciated all of his staff most of the time.
All the same, that outburst from one of his managers made him sit back and reflect on the event of the past few days, so as to backtrack his steps in an attempt to identify where he might have seemed negative or unappreciative.
After much consideration and unhurried reflection, he was unable to ascertain where and when he might have gone wrong. He even thought he was more appreciative than normal that particular week!
In an effort to clearly and openly study his thoughts and actions, I enquired if he was prepared to do a little test for me. I asked if he would undergo an inventory of his thoughts and actions for the next three days.
I told him to carry a pocket sized notebook with him at all times, and he was to make sure that this notebook was always visible to him where ever he went; this way the notebook would constantly remind him of the exercise.
Under normal circumstances, he would not be alert to his negativity; however, the notebook will bring to his awareness the times he was not positive or appreciative.
The idea was for him to immediately place an 'X' any time he felt or said anything negative, or any time he felt unappreciative. Everything had to be recorded no matter what, and for this inventory to be all that more effective, he was to include a weekend day.
He will more than likely miss quite a few negative or unappreciative thoughts or actions, yet we will still get a pretty good idea.He took on the exercise with great humour, almost betting me that he was by far more positive than negative; that manager of his merely overreacted.
At our next meeting, we tallied up his negative thoughts and unappreciative moments. We found them to be rather high, in fact, very high."The first step in tackling anything that you wanted changed or corrected is to be aware and acknowledge that it is there in the first place," I explained to him.
The next step is to take action. In this case, the general manager was to practise being aware of his thoughts from that point on. He was to think twice before he would say anything. And when he forgets to think twice, he should notice any negative thoughts that he had, preferably as soon as he started it.
As soon as a negative thought came to mind, he was to stop it and, more importantly, he has to turn it into a positive statement. If for some reason he could not think of a positive statement or comment, he was to turn the negative thought into an appreciative thought.
When he notices he was having a negative thought, one powerful method to stop and counter that is to say, "CANCEL THAT," and then think of something positive or appreciative to think or say.
If you were to catch yourself thinking, or talking negatively about someone or a situation, stop yourself as soon as you can, say the magic word "Cancel that," and change that negativity into something positive or appreciative.
For example, I am grateful for the steady income I have, or I am happy I have a loving husband or wife, or perhaps I am grateful for the food I always have.
Say it with affection and you will definitely reap the rewards.
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